Hey, CW..I'm ok..I'm on a long run across country; and I'm a little tight for time when I do some of them.
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Yes, I do still need to work on detaching. Not sure how much more distance I can do at this point...we are pretty distanced! lol!
That's not the kind of distancing I was talking about; LOL, to an extent, even though you love him, and always will...emotional distancing is what I was referring to.
Detaching will keep you from getting sucked into his drama, not allowing his actions to affect you; Emotional distancing will help to set aside your own feelings regarding their behavior so you can function without falling apart...it's emotional protection for you. Combined, they help you NOT to take things personally, will help to keep you stable; and when totally reached; will protect you from being hurt because of what he's doing.
If you pay attention, he is already emotionally distanced from you, but in a bad way. Yours would be in a good way.
Like detachment, emotional distancing will also help you 'step out of the box' and view his actions dispassionately, provoking NO reaction from you, regardless of what he does. Your emotions are no longer involved, and you "disconnect" from him in that way.
I know what is, and have done it within my own situation..it actually looks "cold-hearted" when the end result is reached.
There is a calmness that settles upon you, and NOTHING bothers you when this is complete.
You learn to separate the behavior from the person; you still love the person, but do not like the behavior, but because of detachment and distancing, their BEHAVIOR/ANTICS/DRAMA will not affect you.
These same things will also work on other people who would abuse you, use you and take advantage of you. No matter how mad someone gets, because they cannot manipulate you, through detaching and distancing from their crap/drama it will no longer affect you.
Doesn't mean you will no longer love, it simply means you will no longer be drawn into something that will upset you. And if someone means you harm, you will see it without all the emotional "coloring" that has a tendency to happen if you aren't detached and distanced from them.
For example, when it was me: I still loved my husband, but knew I needed to protect myself from his antics..and so I detached from his drama, and distanced myself from his behavior; and it was the best thing I ever did during that time.
Where'd I'd been volatile before, I was calm after I reached these necessary things.
I loved, and it hurt, but when I reached total detachment, and emotionally distanced myself; it no longer hurt, and I was clear headed enough to decide for myself what I needed to do.
The differences between both are subtle, yet, nearly the same.
There are still times even now, when I need to use these techniques to keep me from reacting negatively in various different situations, and they don't always involve my husband. And I use them to my advantage.
I love people, but love doesn't equal doormat; and so, I choose my reactions to them, after I detach and distance from a situation to see what is really behind it before I respond to it.
Tools of a lifetime.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
