WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

Okay.. Very weird convo with H... The old H appeared briefly tonight by phone... And I'm not getting too excited... am still feeling the detachment of H's life/probs etc aren't mine...

H calls me up late tonight and asked if he could come and stay overnight tonight.. I asked him why, what's going on? He said that SIL2 got drunk and started yelling at him at what an unfit father he is, how he's ruined everything in his life... So he asked me if I thought he was an unfit dad... I told him I didn't think he was but that he didn't see much of the kids these days... He said it was hard with school and work... I just said hmmm...

He said that karma was coming back to get him now. He has no home, no money, and that he's done a lot of damage to a lot of people in his life so he deserves everything he gets.

I said that I wasn't sure what to say to him, that he took a lot of action for what he thought he wanted and I'm sorry it isn't working out the way he wanted it to.

He then said that he had to get off the phone as someone called the cops because SIL2 was so loud and ranting and the cops wanted to talk to him.

I didn't think he'd call back, but he did. SIL2 was on the way to the drunk tank for the night... cops insisted on it.

He said that she was going to blame him for calling them but he wasn't the one who did. I said sorry to hear that he wasn't getting along with her. He said he would have to leave as he wasn't going to see her and her kids on the street and it was him she had a problem with.

He said SIL1 probably would kick him out soon and that he'd have to live at the men's shelter in my city. I said that it would be hard to make long distance calls from there. (yes I know I shouldn't have temp checked the relationship with OW, but I couldn't resist).

He then asked me if I really thought he'd move so far away from his kids.. I said no, I never thought he would (my gut told me to reply honestly). He said you know me better than I thought you did. I asked him, does that mean you aren't moving to the US? He said no, he wasn't. I said it was pretty hard to stay together and have a relationship when you live in different countries. He said him and OW were never really together. I said.. oookkk... what's that supposed to mean? He said let's just say we come from different worlds and they don't mesh... So we were never really together... I said, so not soulmates then huh? And I told him I wasn't being sarcastic but just asking... He said no, not soulmates.

(2x4 worthy conversation possibly follows)

I took a chance and said to him that I understood a lot more than he maybe thought I did. I told him that when I saw a man go from 12 years of being 100% family oriented and suddenly change within 2 years, I looked for the reason. I told him that if I was off base he could tell me, but that I thought he was correct when he said it had nothing to do with me, but was about him. I told him that I thought he might be going through a mid life crisis and that 80% of them have affairs. That a lot of them do so to avoid the demons in their head, and that from what I've read, I would rather be where I was than be him with the constant thoughts and emotions. So he said (and not sarcastically) I'm a part of a statistic then? I said that he was something that early on in our marriage I forgot about. That I put him on a pedestal and forgot he was a man and human first.

I told him that I was always here for him if he wanted to talk and that I was under no illusions about us getting back together or anything if we did. That I always was here, but I wouldn't accept being yelled at or threatened. I said I was taking things day by day and was about 95% to where I was before we met. He said he was glad to hear that. I said that I had found my spiritual side again and felt peaceful. That in a way I was glad this came about because I had re-discovered myself along the way. I reminded him of conversations we had when we first met about everything happening for a reason and when they were supposed to. I said that I didn't worry about the future any more, just enjoyed each day and experienced. I told him about D3 and I headbanging to music on the way home from picking her up from daycare and how I loved the little moments like that.

SIL1 came into the room and wanted to talk to him (I heard her in the background), so he said he had to get off the phone.

I said I hope things went okay with her. He said thank you for talking with me. I said take care of yourself, and hung up.

I'm afraid to believe he hit bottom and reached out to me.. I think this may have been more of a touch & go.. He sounded soooo depressed and beaten.

My expectations are zero about the OW breakup and his seeming so down and beaten. He could be back with her and insisting he's moving to the US tomorrow.. I know that..

It was just really weird to hear the old him in his voice.. but so unhappy...