Also since my wife sleeps most the time when we are home together I started to make out to do lists and check items off as I go along and I purposely leave the list laying around so she might come cross it. I also make calls to therapist (still looking) and leave the brochures on the counter ect... Is this ok? To leave hints around the house without actually telling her...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Also since my wife sleeps most the time when we are home together I started to make out to do lists and check items off as I go along and I purposely leave the list laying around so she might come cross it. I also make calls to therapist (still looking) and leave the brochures on the counter ect... Is this ok? To leave hints around the house without actually telling her...
That's the way to do it. I wouldnt' flood the place with Brochures beucase in a way it may also remind her that your marriage has problems. She does need to know you're trying, but I can also see how her mind might find a way to beat her up over that.
And yes, this process is not all forward going.. its three steps forward, two, back then three forward, tehn two back again... if you do the arithmetic you will see that you will get there, but its a bumpy ride and you need to be careful.
I have some homework for you, its just two hours of work.
You're gonna watch a movie...
This is something you do on your own time, when yoru wife is not at home.
Bruce Almighty
It was on TV tonight and it just hit me this would be perfect for you.
You may have already seen it. Watch it again.
You are Bruce, his gf Grace is your wife. You'll get it when you see it.
This isnt' somethign to share with your wife, don't even let her know you're watching it... its your homework. You'll know why i reccomended it when you see it.
OK. I have seen it but hardly remember since it has been so long but I will track it down and watch it. The ironic this is (off topic) the city in the movie is the city in which I work in.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Re you hoping a sign of progress would mean it would be downhill from here ...
MWD has a line in Divorce Remedy that goes something like :
When divorcebusting patience isn't just a virtue, its an absolute necessity.
Bear in mind, I don't think it is exactly as I quoted, but the idea is there.. I don't have the book handy so bear with me. If anyone can correct my clumsy reference feel free.
Patience is your best friend my man... refer to him often.
This morning I send my wife an email (only way I was able to do it) and said along the lines of "I know you have been stressed out lately and I think you deserve to relax so I scheduled you for a massage and if you choose to go it will be at location at time. If you decide not to go just let me know so I can call and cancel the appt."
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I'm not saying everything is about sex, I only said what I would have thought in my stitch. Leaving "gifts" on the pillow in the bedroom is a very sexual & romantic suggestion. I never had any relative or friends to leave a gift on my pillow!
A WAW is not usually in the mood for that sort of pressure. Your ideal of accepting gifts may be different from others. I can't see accepting gifts from a person I can't stand to be around......and that's usually the case with a WAW with her H.
Quote:
Even when I didn't like my H, I was always happy to accept gifts! i can put aside hard feelings for a little while if someone wants to do something nice for me
That just seems WRONG any way you look at it.....to me. Very selfish/self centered. Princess behavior!
I don't want to get into an argument about any of this, but I have read a lot of your posts, Lotus, and most of the advise you give would be good for marriage-relationship improvements(before the W is ready to walk out),but when the W is ready for a D and wants to walk out the door, too much of what you say is very pursuing and too late to work in in most WAW cases.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't want to get into an argument about any of this, but I have read a lot of your posts, Lotus, and most of the advise you give would be good for marriage-relationship improvements(before the W is ready to walk out),but when the W is ready for a D and wants to walk out the door, too much of what you say is very pursuing and too late to work in in most WAW cases.
The difference with Lotus' comparison's Sandi is that Lotus was the LBS, giving an LBS advice to do for a LBS that worked for an LBS I don't think is gonig to be all that relevant.
I think most of us LBS' would have enjoyed gifts from a WAS! But in this case the context is not the same... right?
My W came home from work this afternoon and said " I got your email and I don't think it is a good idea, it will aggravate my shoulder" my W is scheduled to see a neurosurgery doctor due to an issue with her back and shoulder so I said "understandable, no problem I will call and cancel"
I decided to do a little shopping today and told her "you are welcome to join" she declined, I still went.
This might sound a little petty but my wife did allow me to snap a picture of her, our dog and I which is something she would had refused to do a few weeks back.
I asked this before but does anyone know what is up with the frequent showers and baths?
Last edited by OfficerInNeed; 03/20/1007:43 PM.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
