Clinical depression and anxiety disorders are very difficult things to deal with. I have dealt with both and my anxiety was eventually diagnosed as a situational panic disorder. If you are experiencing more than "normal" anxiety (by that I mean flat out panic attacks) I would highly advise you to see a psychiatrist as you might need more than Zoloft. Zoloft is an antidepressant and while each course of therapy is different, for people with actual anxiety disorders is usually the base of the treatment. I understand we ALL have anxiety during the ordeal of being left but an actual anxiety/panic disorder like I had/have is hell. Looking back I have no idea how I survived for as long as I did without medical intervention. I am not discounting your anxiety at all. I simply am saying if it has reached an above "normal" state please see a dr.
I wonder if your procrastination issues are linked to your desire to not have things change? Right now your H is supporting you financially and if you do begin to earn enough money to live on that will change. And maybe you don't want that to change because it means your H will be less linked in your life.
You said your office/desk was a mess and not a comfortable place to work. I think you said that last week or the week before. What have you done to make it more appealing? I understand you wanted new paint and carpet but if that is not doable now what have you done to make it workable for the time being?
About that annoying paperwork... why not demand of yourself 15-20 minutes of "desk time" each day or night to tackle the annoying paperwork? Set a timer and work on it for the allotted time then put it away until the next day.
We are all resistant to change, especially when we are told things are going to change no matter what we want or feel. IMO you seem to have so many internal battles with yourself. I think we all can relate. An example would be feeling like medication is evil because you were raised in a different way. I am certainly not trying to start a debate about alternative medicine but if alternative medication was the answer wouldn't hit have helped by now? If it has not then it's time to move on to a new potential solution so some of the changes you have to make might be easier.
You had also said that it's hard for you to meet and accept new people because of age or parental status. Yet you also say you need to GAL and expand your social network. I do think you need to expand your social network and maybe one goal should be to expand it beyond the type of person you think would be most like you.
Don't get me wrong. I know this is hard. It's brutal. If you are experiencing clinical depression or an anxiety disorder it is 10 million times worse. I really had to learn to set limits with myself. You know you are good at the thinking/planning part of life you just need to learn to execute daily and yes, execution will mean change.
Human beings are terribly resistant to change and it's a tremendous amount of work. Break it down in small doses until you meet some very small goals then try and expand.
