me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I need to get my head back into PM got to chapter three and was finding it hard going trying to read it before bed! I will try to read it earlier maybe as I need to catch up on self soothing tips too!
RW thanks for the support on my thread it means a great deal, keep your chin up, hope there is some respite from you sitch too (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
In discussing my H's depression, he said it is likely largely due to feeling he failed me, and true remorse. Although he struggled with depression before the A, and this was a huge contributing factor to the A happening, it is now gotten worse due to the emotional aftermath of the A. He suggested giving us both a break from this, by me stepping back from any talk of OW and the A, and not showing my hurt for awhile... I think that does make sense. We both need a break from the pain.
Plus, the financial stress is really, really bad. And that is all we can handle right now.
So, tonight is the night OW gets that frickin award. I am trying very hard not to think about it. But, here I am... barely able to keep my head above water due to fiancial stress, barely coping... and she will get praise and accolades and a fancy shmancy dinner tonight.
The injustice of it all is too much for me today.
I am not coping well today. Actually having physical symptoms from the financial stress that are concerning me a bit...well, maybe more than a bit. But I have to try to get through this and not think about her today. I have to find a way to just get through this day... then see the over-all big picture with moving forward.
Ok Gno is great isn't he! He helped me by forcing me to list all my positive acheivements since the bomb - so here's your moment RW. Time to list positives about yourself to counteract the voice in your head that feels like crap and is magnified by OW's award. If you are going to try to back off - on this day of all days - we need something positive to focus on in YOU.
Come on girl, you can do it - list them here or on FB I don't care but I want to see them!
I need to get my head back into PM got to chapter three and was finding it hard going trying to read it before bed! I will try to read it earlier maybe as I need to catch up on self soothing tips too!
RW thanks for the support on my thread it means a great deal, keep your chin up, hope there is some respite from you sitch too (())
Rabbit - CHAPTER THREE! CHAPTER THREE! IT'S AWESOME! I felt the same way you did about the beginning - and the middle lol.
I find the book is so packed with info that just reading small chunks helps. And the chunks are in....you guessed it CHAPTER THREE!
Write out your list of achievements. Get onto your PC and make a nice certificate out of them, most graphics programs have this facility. Print out your certificate. Frame it. Wrap it up and give it to yourself.
THAT IS YOUR AWARD. Your H will give you recognition for it. Take back this moment. You are the one with the most valuable prize.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
The "giving myself an award" idea was suggested a while back when I first mentioned this award thing but I never did it. I was raised Catholic and you know... it was drilled into my head to not be vain! I really struggle with healthy self recognition. But, I promise you Gno.. I will do it today.
And, Hope... since you insist on seeing this....LOL.... I will post some of my achievements, positives here.
First, achievements in my M:
When I first started DBing, I set some goals as MWD suggest in DR. I have, for the most part, reached those goals! And, I guess I never really realized it! (duh!)
1. To be in the same bedroom by Christmas. This happened beginning of Nov. 2. Have more fun together. still working on this one, but it's coming.... need to set more specific goals with this one 3. more physical affection. no worries there.... my world is rockin and rollin on a regular basis... 4. spend more time together . check ... since A exposed and ended, we are together A LOT... most evenings, most weekends
Now, positives about me/ my own personal accomplishments:
I have set boundaries I never set before I stand up for myself like I never did before I have shown an inner strength and resiliency I didn't even know I had! I am capable of a level of forgiveness and love I didn't know I could be capable of I am a protective mamma... I fought with all my might for my family and the future of my kids I have become more open to change/new ideas/new perspectives
OK I gotta get back to work now, but I am going to keep thinking on this.
Thanks my friends, I really needed this.
BTW, Gno... checked out your thread... really made me think hard about the male perspective that might lead to being a WAH. That helped me a lot. I know that my H has had his own pain, and I probably have not yet acknowledged that to the extent that he needs me to. I need to work on that too.
Oh, and you are right. I AM the one with the most valuable prize. Thank you.
Hmmm...is your theme song "I wanna rock with you"?
Keep your eyes on the prize, Rocked.
I read somewhere that to love someone is to truly understand them. Pain , warts and all. Hope you reach that level of deep understanding with your H. M is meant to be such a wonderful thing. An intimate marriage of body, soul and minds. To know and be attuned to another on a fundamental level. It is not all sex and good times nor is it drudgery and bad times. It is a blessing if you get it right. A life long blessing.
Kara! Thanks for stopping by my thread! Always a pleasure... and may you be blessed as well! p.s. love the idea of the theme song There is also a great KISS song that could apply.... any one wanna take the bait and "name that tune?" anyone?
