Did they give you a gift certificate for the spa? I would just put it in an envelope with a little note that says, "I thought you would enjoy this!" and put it on her pillow or somewhere else where she is sure to see it. Then wait to see what she says. If she says she can't do it because of work, you can say that you had hoped she could take the day off. If she insists she can't do it, then tell her not to worry, you will call the spa and ask them to change the date. Usually they give you a time period in which you can use it.
As I mentioned in a previous post I keep setting myself up for failure. I got overly excited, we'll say, when she opened up a little and I continue to expect more. I need to take a step back stay focused and patient.
That could be a big part of her acting mean to you. If I gave the slightest positive word or deed, my H would think all was solved and the M would be fine. Therefore, I made sure that I showed him how I was not fine. I promise you that if you will not give her the time and space she needs, you'll pressure her too much too quickly.
Allow her to have a few good moments and then expect to see her slip back into moodiness. You will burn out before she revives if you don't.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I would just put it in an envelope with a little note that says, "I thought you would enjoy this!" and put it on her pillow or somewhere else where she is sure to see it. Then wait to see what she says. If she says she can't do it because of work, you can say that you had hoped she could take the day off.
If my H had left something like that on my pillow, I would have thought he was expecting something in return.....like perhaps ML. If he had said that he hoped I take the day off.....I would have be furious! That is pursuing and pressure.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Even when I didn't like my H, I was always happy to accept gifts! i can put aside hard feelings for a little while if someone wants to do something nice for me. Why not? Everything is not always about sex.
It is not necessarily a gift... She is very stressed out and I feel this will help alleviate some of that stress. Over valentines day weekend when her mood was worse toward me, we went away to a bed and breakfast and she received and she felt really good after she told me. So I thought much of the same now. And back then she was extremely nasty toward me. The odd thing is even though she still told me it was over that she was still leaving while we were driving home. My friend overheard her at work talking about what a great thing I did for her and how good it was.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
The odd thing is even though she still told me it was over that she was still leaving while we were driving home. My friend overheard her at work talking about what a great thing I did for her and how good it was.
OIN your wife has two voices in her head right now :
1. Stay and give OIN another chance to be a better man. 2. Get out while you can with your sanity in tact.
You are going to hear both voices come out of her, and you are going to watch both voices drive her actions.
The LONG HAUL is to drive away voice #2.. but right NOW she's hearing BOTH, you NEED to understand that.
That second voice is DOUBT creeping in... when commitment is string early in a marriage doubt isn't there, but reality hits hard in marriage eventually and that voice will start SCREAMING if you don't take precautions to DIFFUSE it.
So... don't find it suprising to hear or find out that both voices are coming from her..its perfectly NORMAL right now.
The STRESS she feels is listening to BOTH voices right now, its driving her crazy.
And yes, most of the time she shares the second voice with YOU... becuase being around you brings that voice out in her.
Loving actions without chasing her is what's going to diffuse that voice to a whisper... right now its beating her over the head every day.
OK?
This is NORMAL, its not odd or confusing at all once you understand she has two instincts she's fighting at the moment.
This is also likley the reason for her sleeping so much, those voices are exhausting her.
Got it. I am trying to think of the best way to tell her about it. I am guilty of thinking that when she was in the slightest good mood toward me that it could only get better from that point on so I would step it up on my part and get upset if she did not respond in a more positive way. I need to back pedal and take it back to the basics that got me this far to begin with.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
