- what do you think allows you to let go of ladybug when so many seem to struggle with that in spite of IC and working on themselves?
Always the great questions.
1 ) DB friends
Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your friends, instead, focus on them. Never lose your cool! Don't let your friends trap you into a fight. Don't take her/his bait.....leave the room or the house for a while, if you have to, in order to avoid a fight. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold Offering forgiveness and understanding. Establishing boundaries
The 4 C's and some unconditional love.
2) I grieved the loss of ladybug. I kept to the high road. I can look her parents in the eye and know I did no wrong. I can look in the mirror and know I did no wrong. And I leaned on friends and family for support. I never lost hope in myself. And I thought tooth and nail on bitterness. Plus I think it is just in my nature to forgive the big picture, the small stuff well that depends on what it was. I was honest with myself and opened myself up to those who cared about me. A 180. Getting past your breakup by Susan J. Elliott helped tons as well
But truly. I lost all respect for Ladybug in this journey. Everyone here always says that woman must respect a man to love him. I think that goes both ways. I lost the friendship , I lost the respect. I lost the love. I got myself out of the LBS fog. And looked at our marriage honestly. I was not happy for the last few years. So many sacrifices. I would never have committed adultery. I could have either gave up and tossed away 15 years. I came here to save my marriage. But I ended up saving myself. Being a part time husband for years sucked. The betrayal hurt. But it was the abandonment in my first true time of need that made me realize the woman i loved was not a strong person. I reached out for help as I spun into depression. Turning 39 was hard. She responded by committing adultery and denying intimacy. And if I ever wavered from that I always remembered that on the night of our 10th wedding anniversary she had OM drop her off at our B&B after their "two day business trip" On the bright side its only one day to reclaim. There are some things that no one should ever suffer. I would think that this event would make everyones list. I will never understand how someone could do something so hateful like that. And I loved that woman with all my heart , soul and mind for 15 years. That is what I struggled with. That one moment in time , forever frozen in my memory. I remember everything from it. Smells , sounds , what I saw. That moment in time broke me completely. When I think of it now I choke up and shed some tears. Such a horrible memory to carry to my grave. I still wonder if she ever realizes how deep the scars are on my heart from that action. So thoughtless , so hateful , so full of spite. I have lived it over and over. It is something I will never forgive nor forget forever. But one must fall to stand up. And one must come to peace with the overall marriage.
I am better than that.
Does that kind of answer your question. tears and all. I found it rather hard writing that. But Flow... always will answer your questions. As difficult as they always are.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
