The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

I got a response back from my L. He says we have to agree on stuff like this together. He also talked to W's L and they picked out a mediator.

I know I'm supposed to wait on responding, but I'm going to be out of town today and tomorrow and I'm tired of W thinking she gets to call all of the shots. So I texted her to let her know I sent the following email.

"W, you can’t unilaterally make a decision about the girls that takes time away from them that I now get.

I’m upset that you signed D7 up for Y Care without discussing it with me at all. We could have put the ad back in the paper or just looked on the list again. I just sent you names of three other people who would work.

I assume you already know that I’m not agreeing that you be the sole physical custodian. Even if I did agree, it’s still joint custody overall and we would have to come to an agreement what’s best for them – even if it didn’t affect my time with them.

I know D7 is excited. She’s mentioned Y care before. If we were still together, I’d say, great, this saves us money. We’re not though and I treasure every single second I get to spend with them.

If the (friends who would watch D11) say yes then great, but that means seven days and at least seven to eight hours every two weeks that I don’t get to see them. I love getting to talk with them about their day and they love being able to see me every day. I doubt they want to see me less. So we need to come up with a plan where I get that time back somewhere else. I’ll trade the after school days for Thursday nights.

The schedule as it is now is too herky-jerky on my weekends. Wednesday with me, Thursday with you, then Friday, Saturday, Sunday with me. It should be a smooth switchover. Five days with you, two with you, two with me, then five days with me."

...

I'm assuming she'll say no to the switch because it would mean 50/50 on nights, which would put me in a much stronger position should mediation not work.

Our two Ls also agreed on a mediator and I asked W if she wanted to call to set up a time.

This whole thing really has gone remarkably smoothly. Now it'll get interesting and divisive.

I mean what if she doesn't respond and on Monday I have no idea what they are doing? I can find out from the friends who would host D11 if she's supposed to go there. I could just do an eye-for-an-eye thing and leave work at 3:45 p.m. every day to pick up the girls and then keep them until 6:00 every night.

It's a haul up to where D11 would be staying. It'd cost me about $20 a week in gas. But so what.