Pearl, Aver, good thoughts! Pearl I bet you look fabulous in those bad**s frames! I've been getting some compliments since I've stopped wearing my glasses so that's helping my self-imge too! I hear that I should work it as long as I'm there, but I really think H couldn't care less. I know that however will NOT be my concern! I'll do it for me
The fact is I've been slowly planning my move for some time, I think the passing of the 1 yr. mark was making me feel more like moving sooner rather than later even before H told me of his moving plans. Kind of a feeling that I'm stagnating there, I'm ready to go.
Guess I'm overthinking in my head this moving thing, b/c I don't want him to think HE's the reason I'm going. I was on my way out, I just didn't set myself a deadline before this. Does it even matter. No!
OK ladies, question for you: Do I need to reply to H's email of Monday informing me of his impending move? I have not, but don't want to come off as rude. What do I say, "OK, great!", "Howdy neighbor" I am planning to move in the next mo., guess I should just tell him that?
Once again, thank you for your input my strong independent assertive and utterly fabulous friends!
Last edited by LookingFrAnswers; 03/19/1006:38 PM.
I love a sick pair of frames and am rocking a few myself!!! I threw out the old "safe" frames with the old more conservative Kara. Kicked them all to the curb as they say!!!
I would rely to his e-mail. Something simple ? Thanks for letting me know of your plans. See you soon? I dunno. I wouldn't overthink it. The point is to reply.
I would reply with "thank you for letting me know your plans."
As for the whole conundrum--we don't want him to think you are leaving because you can't bear to be around him. On the other hand, the goal is NOT to care what he thinks. So either you leave because that makes you feel better; or you stay to "show" how much you don't care; or you REALLY don't care (which I know you are trying to get to) and you stay or go, whichever is more convenient for you.
I hear the words "truly detached" but as I am not there yet, I can hardly expect anyone else to be like--oh? XH is next door? ho-hum, whatever! but that sure would be nice.
((((Kara))))((((Aver)))), You are right. I was totally overthinking it, & sent "TY for letting me know your plans. I don't have a date for moving but will let you know when I do". TMI? Well, I will try not to agonize over every stupid email I send. UGgghh!
I think I'm close to not caring if he thinks I'm moving b/c he's moving in, probably not quite that progressed yet though! I've been moving toward this step, & maybe this is just the shove I need to step it up a little.
Anyway, I went to my first "meet up" on Saturday, an art class! Something I've been wanting to do. Also looked at some computers, although now Old Bessie (aka my home desktop) is curently behaving & letting me type!
Hope you both had good weekends. I'll check in soon. (((())))
Yes, the worry over every simple email is annoying. I think what you suggested is fine. Except--if he is in the apartment, do you HAVE to move? or is that just your preference?
In which case you can stick to: thx for letting me know your plans. I appreciate it" And let him sweat about whether or not you will be there.
yay for the art class! Drawing? painting? bronze casting?
Let me know how it goes...I have been thinking about you...
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
Hi Aver! Well, I still haven't let him know WHEN I'm moving, or what my plans are. I just told him I don't know yet. But will let him know just as soon as I do! Probably giving too much info again.
I tell you, old habits, like talking/emailing to H are really really hard to hard to change! Even after everything. The need to edit myself (& get feedback here) is constant!
Little update: Tues. night when I let the pups (9 & 10 yr. old pups!) out , I saw a light on in the apt. (but no car). So I know H had been there. Then last night when I had the dogs out, the light was off & no car, around 10:30. But when I let them out for their final potty break about midnight, I saw lights on in the front of the apt. What a jolt it was to see that & know he was over there. It never ceases to amaze me how affected I still am by something so simple.
I'm amazed I didnt' hear his car & the dogs didn't bark. Maybe he turned his headlights off. I'm guessing he still works nights.
He also sent me this email Tuesday: "I know we haven't talked about this but if you need to find a place temporarily while you're looking for a permanent place I can keep the dogs until that happens. Just a thought."
I still haven't told him my plans to move in w brother. I will but want to give a definite date & he's (bro) not ready for me yet. Still have to figure out what stuff I want to take, leave, & all that. Good times. I guess I just need to tell him what I want, & if he has any issues worry about it then. Like, I need a bed. He hasn't used ours in a yr. Hoping there aren't more ugly surprises as we divvy up the stuff. More stomach-churning activities ahead.
My art class was drawing. eventually I want to painting but need to buy supplies for that so starting off easy. I've actually cast bronze, in school when I took art. Very cool!
Thinking of you too. Thanks for stopping by & I'll do the same. Hope you are getting to a resolution on the house. And some peace.
Last edited by LookingFrAnswers; 03/25/1008:26 PM. Reason: correct spelling
(((Aver))), I'm right there with you! Busy & depressed, mostly brought on by having to go through all of stuff as I decide what to take, what to ask him if he wants, ugghhh. But I'm doing surprisingly better than I would have thought. Could be the ADs. :-)
Trying to GAL, but is it enough? I don't know. Work definitely keeps me hopping. Sundays are so hard. I try to set them as the day to do the stuff I have to do, like start making lists & packing.
I agree it was a nice gesture about the dogs but I don't want to give them up - even temporarily. I know that sounds unreasonable. I feel like that would just annihilate what's left of my heart. How do people with kids do this??
Right now the S agrmt is in my court as I try to get more info from my L. I sent her a list of questions at least a week ago. Then I found a bill from her (haven't been real swift on going through the mail, & paid it right away. Luckily not too big.
Yes, this is weird. He's been there since what - Wed? I have not seen him, just his car. The way I feel in this situation is, i've made the right decision to leave asap. This is just not good for me I don't think.
I need to catch up w you. I'm sorry I haven't set up a FB page yet :-( I'll try to do tomorrow. Hang in there. I wish I could help you somehow.
Remember how strong you are. We just have to get through this rough time we are parallel experiencing! I'll keep my chin up if you do. Thinking of you too. ((((()))))) Talk soon.
Yeah, I can't imagine how people with kids deal with this.
At one point, I thought about renting a place as an interim measure. But almost all the for-rent ads said "no pets." and no way was I going to leave the cats in the house for HER to touch.
Sundays, or any day without a full schedule of activities, are also very hard for me. I try to plan ahead and fill them up. I guess it is a measure of my progress that I don't freak out about what I am going to do NEXT Sunday on the current Sunday at 5 am.
I'm glad you feel OK about leaving. Do what is best for you.
Tell me about your GAL, and your work. Do you have girlfriends to hang with? any physical work out stuff that can help take the edge off?
Sympathy on "not keeping on top of the bills." My bedroom right now looks WORSE than it ever did when I was a teenager. What up with that??!!
I do believe that FB is the spawn of the devil--have you read how many posts here start with: my WAS connected with someone on FB...but it is a way to communicate off the boards.
I don't go to my "real-life" page much. I peek into my Avermont page when I can.
My chin is definitely not up right now, but I will try to put it there for your sake.
Keep posting! you and the rest of the boards are my life line!
I am planning to move in the next mo., guess I should just tell him that?