It hit me today, I'm out of the house, so I'm not coming back, she wanted to flee, but when I ok'd it she stayed and everything is hers of course, money she is particularly fond of.
It might turn into a miss situation later, I was a good husband and dad,oh yeah she says now, "tried to set hobbies up for you and the kids." and of course she says i didn't do them.
Also she wanted to be alone,"never been alone." that's true she went from one lt relationship to another, with not much of a gap in between.
"lost her voice and time she'll never get back,plus the stress of feeling my sole supporter,paying bills etc."
This woman was always stressed, i had read the female brain, she passed a lot of that onto my daughter.
It's funny my wife she is a free spirit or was, meaning she is not very sentimental a lower self esteem and a self described b**** from the time I met her, but at the beginning of our R, yep she was mean, but until all this, don't think we argued until she started this summer.
I guess what I'm saying is I have her pretty well figured out and I have pushed entirely too much and like a teen she knows everything, anything a cnslr said about the downfall of a marriage,"that could be right,but we're incompatable and I give up."
This woman had expectations of what a family would be. We didn't meet her expectations,debt,stress,lifestyle got to be too much and became all my fault.
If I'm gone away long enough, which divorced I will be, for some reason I think she's going to go back to her core, family, friends, me was very, very important to her.
I haven't taken anything from the house, nothing, with the add i have several different reasons as to why, but one is so she can look and maybe remember something later in life, now it could work the opposite, because there are a lot of pics of her and kids but not much of all of us.
I guess for some reason I feel like with time, we could get back together, but she will have to start to miss me one, two the four of us were important.
So I've gone on the divorce side of things very unbusiness like, too me money was money, stuff was stuff and it was all for us anyway.
But I think maybe if she sees later on, i sacrificed everything for those 3,that could make a difference?
I don't know too me it's all happened so fast, but I know what her core values were, what do you think?
Something else all along when she'll call herself a pos, or name, i tell her don't call herself that, call me whatever you want. i got some bs text i was mean, whatever...She is adamant for this divorce, but for what???There's nothing out there, she's not seeing someone and for some dang reason she thinks i only listen to others and not her, that ticks me off.
I also in texts in the past have always said this is not your fault, none of it, i do have your back and not angry.
I know the answers have to come from them and months ago I put any thought of a marriage on hold, eventually I want her to know the truths, so no I haven't been bitter, I want her to eventually ask me, bout when did we do that or this, I also feel just like my history has been rewritten well so has hers, that's not fair to anyone.This depression has turned me and our marriage into a bad memory for her, she doesn't have the same happy memories, someone has to protect that for her.
I know all the mistakes I made on this from the beginning to now.
My thoughts are do they eventually come out of mlc if we make them feel safe or at least approachable and are forgiving?
She's not cake eating anymore, hasn't since she's filed btw.
Thoughts on her?
She's doing the thing that even this summer wasn't an option and not ever, ever uttered before.
And no I'm not focused on her right now, praying for her to get thru this for her!
But if I stay loving you think that could help?
Know what I need to do for me.
And I know what I've tried to do for her and kids hasn't worked at all, she wants out of this marriage with no stress.
Well guy, don't feel like the lone ranger. Alot of us LBS folks (if we're wise) can look back and admit where we screwed up on a regular basis. At the same time, we cannot continue to beat ourselves up. We can listen to their gripes, validate them, but after we've taken a good hard look at ourselves and seen what need to be changes, we should move forward in the present and future and do the best we can.
We can learn from the past, but unlike our MLC spouse we cannot live in it. Then we will get depressed and you know how hard it is to get day to day in that mess. We can't have 2 parents being that way.
Press on as best you can. Don't get your hopes up for a reconcilliation any time soon, if ever, and protect yourself emotionally and financially in the settlement. I'm in rnd 3 and it's much more civil, but I learned from rnd 2 that if you get too wrapped up in being fair (ie-giving away the farm-they'll take it!) and NO they don't see it as you being Mr. nice guy. You owe it to them for all the crap you've made them endure. That's how they think with the mlc fog in the brain. sorry. I wish you the very best of luck!
I haven't seen my D other than a couple hrs in wks, total role reversal from a couple mo's ago.
It just hit me after reading thru Snodderly's posts to someone else.
My mlc'er had texted me in Jan, "why is D refusing to see me?"Me like a dummy, didn't make the convo short and sweet and told her why.
Now I realize it was jealousy on my mlc'er part and she had no choice but to swing D her way,that explains not making D come over and do what she wants. I text call D everyday, love you texts, man what an evil little game they play.
Oh well I'm still not taking control, want my D to want to see me vs have too. MLC'er and D made sure attmepts to help would backfire.
Had son for wkend, he's a great kid, anyway he wanted to stay with a friend tonite and I didn't want him to go because I'll miss him, but heck yeah son you can go, have fun, enjoyed this wkend, love and miss you.
It caught him off guard that I said ok, asked him to let his mom know.
I know she's moving right along, she gave my number to a friend of D's who said he was just leaving a garage sale at my old house, getting rid of clutter.
I don't know, with her staying in the house and seeing all the things we did have together and I'm only leaving with a tool box, not clothers or anything.
I wonder if that could help eventually.
One odd thing the kid that called, he said my wife said I was a good guy, just not as fun as I was in my prime?
Reading HB;s posts to others, guess I need to do somemore of that GAL'ing.
No I don't want this divorce, but I'm really leaning towards just keeping my word, I went about this as rally a death, cause I know the old me died in July.
It really is odd, how there really isn't any sentiment, she just simply doesn't want to be married.
But what's out there? What does it accomplish for her I wonder.
I know the next time I see her, I sure will be smiling.
Went for a ride on the new m/cycle, I need to get a permit and take a class, but hey, this all sux and all, but having some fun
also lined up another home that i like, been watching this house since sept and call on it, well finally i call on it again today, it's been foreclosed on the agent's trying to get the bank to do a shortsale, if so, this house is right up my alley.
