Detaching isn't not caring. It isn't walking away from your marriage or your family.
Its getting you untwined from the dysfunctional mental and emotional attachment to your W.
I'll give you an example:
In the past I would snoop a bit to find out what was going in her life. Today, I have absolutely no desire to find out. It doesn't mean I don't care, it just means I'm not attached to it. I am my own person.
When she says stupid crap to me I just look at her and don't let it set me off into an argument. Sometimes I'll say, "Ok, so you feel that way." It doesn't have an impact on me because it's hers and not mine.
When she tries to push my buttons it doesn't affect me. I've removed the buttons because I've detached. It pisses her off because she's left holding the sh*t sandwich she was trying to feed me. One of my favorite quotes concerning this is:
"If someone gives you a gift and you refuse it, who does the gift belong to?"
When she used to go out with her friends I would ruminate on what she was doing, who she was talking to, etc... After detaching I wasn't concerned anymore. I realized I had no control over it nor did I want any control over it. I kept the focus off of her and kept it on me.
All this doesn't mean I don't care about her - I do. It just means I'm no longer letting her actions and words dictate how I'm going to feel. I'll decide that myself. I don't need her validation for me to feel like a valuable person. I am. It needs no validation except from me.
Does that make it clearer?
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
