What I learned about detachment

[steady]

Are you at the point of reconciliation? When you are both on the path of reconciliation things are different.

It was and is about letting go and moving FORWARD. Tell me, what are you holding onto? A woman who is moving away from you. You'll just get dragged and she'll see you as an anchor.

It only seems counterproductive because it is counterproductive to what you think it should be. But what you think is what got you into the situation you are in.

Did you read Michelle's book? She addresses how this process seems counterproductive.

Did begging, pleading, pulling out wedding albums, writing letters, cards or poems, buying flowers, doing more housework, etc... work?

Detaching is giving both of you the space you need. She especially wants the space. I'll bet she even said that in some form or another.

You can care and still detach. It doesn't mean you aren't there for them, it just means their actions and words don't have an impact on you and send you spinning.

Another way to do it is to treat her as a friend or roommate.