Gman I think there is a small section in DR where MWD addresses the unfaithful spouse and gives some tips like
1. The constant need for checking in will fade over time 2. No overnight trips 3. If he wants you to call in three times a day, do it 4. You can never say "sorry" enough
etc, I roughly remember thse, I am at work and I don't have the text with me so I can't confirm.
There are a lot of good books that outline the infidelity recovery phase well, I suspect she has'nt researched any of them
But MWD's infidelity section IS a start I suppose, I think Glass and Spring both offer some very extensive outlines of how to work through that part of recovery.
My guess is your wife is so humiliated, frustrated, angry, and just plain exhausted from the affair she just wants to move ON and start the handy work of repairing the marriage
The HOLE in the roof after the TREE is gone is the HOLE in your HEART... she needs to do some handiwork there before she starts to redecorate the home.
Your wife's frustrated, I get that, but the healthiest outlet for this is research into how to get OUT of the frustration...
I really dont know how much spoon feeding you want to do here with her, tha'ts your call... but Glass and Spring to my recollection offer some good stuff
I would suggest YOU read them first to see if it puts some words to how you feel and what you are missing.
I try to look at teh LL as a limitation that we hold on ourselves. If her instincts are Acts of Service, she needs to learn the OTHER four, AOS, is EASY for her.
Let's put it this way.. what is the full timeline here?
At what day did the contact officially END to your knoweldge?
how long have you HAD to recover?
After a certain point she can certainly complain you are cake eating yourself, but we need to know how long you've been wrestling with all of this.
I would say a person needs at minimum three months to ercover from infidelity... at LEAST.
And this can be helped or hindered by the choices of the WS.
