New member, same old story...WAW

[Lost_Dad]

Lost_Dad: I am in the same boat, different river. Many of your issues are my issues, and my wife too doesn't have a network of friends she sees with any regularity. It's just kids, kids, 24-7. My wife let years of me not being a good mindreader affect her view of our M. She is hanging onto old feelings and she doesn't see her feelings ever changing. On top of it, she has this illusion that I will be a great dad when we separate and I will be very involved in their lives...or as much as I want to be. I am dealing with a depressed, stubborn, hopeless soul that refuses to look forward and make the necessary changes. I have already taken the steps to change and we still live together and only bond through our kids. When they go to bed, she shuts down. We co-exist. But all I can say is keep making positive changes in your own life and don't talk about it, just do it. Be indespensible to her. Be empathetic and you have to seriously do all of these things because you WANT to regardless of how she feels. She can sense if you are just doing it as a temporary fix. She's watching through very skeptical eyes. After a month, my wife is still imprisoned by negativity. I do all that I can, but at some point you have to stop being a puppy dog and stiffen your backbone and stand up for yourself. Don't be a doormat. She won't respect you. Be supportive and let your actions speak loudly.

Good luck.

Thanks GWS,
I'll tell you, I know stubborn, negativity, coldness & shutting down. I've been living that for the last five months.
Everything that I know right now is based off of impressions that I get from her. Any previous talk of R from her sets me as the bad guy and it's my fault. I agree with you, my mind reading skills suck too. My W has spent the last ten years bottling up all this discontent and it's finally come out.
She can't confront and avoids it and we never had an argument in all these years of marriage so having this bomb dropped was a shock.
Later,
Lost_Dad