LR - LEt's not get ahead of ourselves- he is NOT announcing he's coming home! THat would be so great. HIs family knows we are separated. BUt it does feel different in that the big holiday stuff has been at his mom's and only once did she come here to visit us all. Usually we meet somewhere else when it's time for a grandma visit
And on the pessimistic side, his mom has been complaining for years that we don't hold passover at our house - this could be H just placating mom - and asking ME TO DO IT FOR HIM.
It is good in my new idea of meeting H's LL's and needs from prebomb. He had often complained we didn't share enough like we didn't have his friends over, he didn't think I liked his family, etc. So he's giving me a chance to do it differently, I think.
I'm sending some ODP your way, Rabbit, you need a big dose of it. So here it comes.....................feel better now?
RR - Passover starts in about ten days. Usually we have the big dinner (Seder) on the first night or two. That's monday or tuesday which works great for me as Weekends are not my time off. I have a job, rehearsals, and S5 full time. Monday I get some daytime hours off while S is in preschool. Good time to cook and clean.
And yes, you did tell me so and I didn't believe you. I didn't believe Gno at first either. He had to work very hard to convince me. I protested. But you two were right - thank you !!!!
RW - I hope I can offer inspiration as I have had a year of not doing well at all! I feel good when I can help others as much as I've been helped by all you wonderful people!
Latest - This morning H asked me to make him coffee. Ok, I did. Then he started complaining - I got him up too early, the carpets have stains, the kitchen is gross, S wasn't ready for school ontime....
Anyone who has read my first thread knows I used to get this kind of venting and complaints NONSTOP. H has been controlling himself and looking at how critical he can be. I also have worked on not taking it personally like "I'm a screw up". So I told myself, hey, it's Friday, he's exhausted, we've had an emotional week that we've tried to get through with patience and kindness, the guy is allowed a little venting. I still walked away LOL
I said what MC said to say: "I hear you but that's enough complaining." then I just tried to tune him out. He doesn't think he's dumping on me but it feels that way so I had to walk away to keep centered.
It wasn't pleasant, but we dealt with it without an argument. This simple example could have blown up so easily with either him continuing to criticize, complain, raise his voice, and/or me asking him (or as he sees it - "demanding")to speak to me nicer, defend myself, get upset at how he's being so tense around S.
MC says it's not in what you are talking about , it's how you talk. I couldn't agree more. I think we remained relatively calm.
Whew. Can't believe on this horrible anniversary week we are actually making so much progress!
