New member, same old story...WAW

[Greek]

Her issues were that I didn't help out enough, was detached from our kids,wasn't a caring enough person, we have nothing in common, I'm different than I was when we married, she takes care of everything & etc.

True? Do you see it this way?

She only had one close friend and that friend moved out of her life in '96. She never made any new friends and never got out to do "girl stuff" and looked to me to fill this gap. She buried herself in being a mom and working. She gave up any hobbies she once had and took on the things that I did, never telling me about how important doing things she wanted to do was(there is some resentment from her about that).

Good insight. Is this her perspective, too?

I've made the changes on the home front that W wanted (for me) and continue to improve my self daily. I've gone kind of
grey with my W, not dark to give her space since the last thing she said is "our R will never be fixed, too late I'm done".

I said this, too, and my H made the changes (as you have). He attracted me home - so it can happen. Be smart.

I have read the forum (and others) and had a phone consult with Chuck and he is suggesting to talk to her and just listen to her demands.

Not crazy about that word. What does she WANT? When building a partnership, 'demand' doesn't work well.

So what does she want? She wants to separate? Why? For a temporary 'let's see what happens' or to begin the process of D in earnest?

If she is insistent on separation, tell her "W, I disagree with your plan to separate. However, you should do what you think is best and I won't stop you from packing your things and finding another place to live." In other words, you can't stop her from wanting to leave you or leaving you - but you STAY PUT. Make her put her Big Girl Panties on - if she is done, then the Big Girl needs to leave. LostDad doesn't move out of his home.

Greek