New member, same old story...WAW

[Lost_Dad]

Greetings everyone,
I'm new to this board and like everyone, I'm looking for answers.My wife and I have known each other since we were in our teens.I'm 43, she's 40 this year. I started to notice a slight change in her actions/personality last year, starting to become withdrawn and sometimes angry with me, but it would pass. I never seen this as warning signs and carried on as normal. Last Sept., I got the ILYBNILWY talk
from her. I was blindsided. to summarize the events after that I did every wrong thing in the book to fix it which has lead to where I am now.
The back story: We dated briefly in our teens. W and I moved on to OP. W dated a friend in our group and that lead to marriage and 9 months later her H was killed in a accident. We reconnected (maybe too soon) 3-4 months later and were married about two yrs later(my first M). We have three
kids and they are what is gluing us together right now. W thinks of herself as separated from me right now. we live in the same home, share the same bed and do other things like a married couple, but there is no communication between us.
This is because all W wants to talk about is separation and I'm not ready for this talk yet.
Her issues were that I didn't help out enough, was detached from our kids,wasn't a caring enough person, we have nothing in common, I'm different than I was when we married, she takes care of everything & etc.
My point of view of my W; She only had one close friend and that friend moved out of her life in '96. She never made any new friends and never got out to do "girl stuff" and looked to me to fill this gap. She buried herself in being a mom and working. She gave up any hobbies she once had and took on the things that I did, never telling me about how important doing things she wanted to do was(there is some resentment from her about that).
I admit, I didn't always do housework but I took care of our kids when I could.I fixed our cars and home.
Went through three major career changes and might be on my fourth.I don't drink or do the bar thing, I was a stay at home kind of guy, only out one or two nights a week.
I kept my hobbies and interests but have cut them back a bit.
I have gone through a lot of the emotional madness over the last few months and I'm starting to mellow out a bit. I've made the changes on the home front that W wanted (for me) and continue to improve my self daily. I've gone kind of
grey with my W, not dark to give her space since the last thing she said is "our R will never be fixed, too late I'm done".
I have read the forum (and others) and had a phone consult with Chuck and he is suggesting to talk to her and just listen to her demands.
My other "advisor" at the moment is suggesting to wait for her to make the move.I'm not pushing right now.I need the "head space" time. I can tell my W feels that she gave and gave but got nothing back. There is no OP for either of us.
If anyone has any thoughts or comments on anything, I'll welcome them.
-Lost_Dad