but how seriously should i take this "i'm not worth it...you'd be crazy to try to work things out with me" talk? i did get some texts from him last weekend where he basically called himself a loser and a f-up...my response was to say i'm sorry you feel that way, but i don't share your opinion. but what else is there to say? even HE thinks he's not worth fighting for...that seems a bit hopeless to me...
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
sure, that's possible. he even said to me in an email yesterday that he was very sad, and like i said in an earlier post, it's very unlike him to let his personal life interfere with his professional life. that's a red flag to me right there. i definitely think he could be depressed...but he's seeing a counselor once a week as it is, i'd think she would pick up on that and suggest something, medication-wise. he also just started taking chantix again to help him quit smoking and i know that's put him in a funk in the past, he would just be a bump on a long until his body adjusted to the medication, so the depression or fog he is in now could also actually be a side affect of the medicine he's on to quit smoking (since that medicine is, essentially, an anti-depressant itself).
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
but how seriously should i take this "i'm not worth it...you'd be crazy to try to work things out with me" talk? i did get some texts from him last weekend where he basically called himself a loser and a f-up...my response was to say i'm sorry you feel that way, but i don't share your opinion. but what else is there to say? even HE thinks he's not worth fighting for...that seems a bit hopeless to me...
Google "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
i know you all will yell at me for not being more detached...
but i had a rough night. i had a lot of plans over the weekend, so my H and i never had time to meet up and/or talk on the phone. we had loose plans to talk last night, but of course my phone never rang and it bummed me out way more than it should have. i did get an email from him this morning, saying he was sorry he didn't call but that he stared at his phone all night and just never knew what to say. sigh. sometimes i feel like i'm doing so well and then there are days like this where i feel like i'm back at square one and the smallest little upset is enough to make me cry.
the weather was amazing this weekend and i wished so many times that my H and i were on a long motorcycle ride or at least enjoying the weather together. i know, i know. don't yell. i spent plenty of time with family and friends and i went for a long run on saturday through a sea of health care reform protestors. so that was fun. i'm just missing him so much and doing my best to GAL through it and focus on myself, but i guess some days it's just harder than others.
the sermon at church this weekend was titled "this too, shall pass." and i know it will and i know i have to be strong...but i think they should rewrite that line to say, "with time and probably a lot of pain and tears on your part, this too, shall pass."
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
i'm having a hard time keeping my head straight today. i'm sure you all know what that feels like. after my rough night last night, today i feel like someone needs to scrape my face off the floor.
i'm feeling a little lost and definitely very blue. got an email from him again this morning, saying how much he missed me and how much he was hurting, but that it was normal for us both to be hurting through this. he also said it cut him deeper every time he saw me, which would explain why he hasn't been more eager to see me lately. it just seems like such unecessary suffering for both of us. while i was away on my trip, he suggested seeing a MC when i got back. in the week and a half since then, it's almost like he's distanced himself even more and decided that he's just not worth the trouble.
i know i'm thinking too much about this and i need to focus on what i need and on learning to let go. detach, i know. i know what i SHOULD be doing right now, but my emotions have taken the reins from my rational brain.
not a fun place to be.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
well i really need some help now...just got a long email from my H about how i was right about all these things about him and he just didn't think we could fix the damage that has been done and it wasn't fair to me and he felt like we should just finalize the separation and start healing. he can't even say the D word!! i had to go cry in the bathroom at my office. i don't even know how to respond to him right now...i know people would tell me not to respond at all but he wants to call tonight to talk some things through with me.
i don't even know how to feel. i just feel like a mess! help...
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
also...my H said he doesn't think he could ever repair the damage with my family. anyone have thoughts on piecing with a spouse's family members? i can see why he'd consider that as a factor in us working things out...my family is very close and i think he feels like things are effed up beyond fixing.
really, any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
