She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

It's difficult to not want to react because I'm still 8000 miles away with my hands tied behind my back. I wouldn't say any of this to her now. Actually, I'm not really sure this changes anything because it's nothing I didn't already know. With this not being a total surprise, it doesn't change my course or path.

You're right, it doesn't change anything. The past is dead so don't ponder it. My W told me she had planning a D for years. We moved from VA to NY and she told me one of the reasons she wanted to do that was because it was better for her to get D in NY and she wanted to be near her family for support. I have no idea how much of this is true because she re-wrote so much of the past that I don't trust anything that comes through her lips. It doesn't matter how long she's been planning it.

IT IS AT IS. Things are exactly as they are RIGHT NOW. That's the only thing you can deal with. Forget the future because you have no idea how any of this is going to work out until you get there.

I just don't understand how someone you could love and care about so much turn on you. It's difficult to fathom that she would want me to deploy to a combat zone so she could plan our divorce.

Dude, I feel you here. You don't understand because you aren't her. I can't understand how my W could possibly be fighting me on 50/50 physical custody of my kids. But the fact is she is and that's the only thing I can deal with. I don't need to understand why or how she can do this in order to take actions to protect myself and try to get what I feel is rightfully mine.

She had mentioned to this friend the possibility of getting a restraining order against me when returned, and to have someone with her when she picked me up at the airport. I have never in all our marriage given her a reason to fear me or think that I would hurt her.

My W attempted to do the same thing. I don't know what state you're in but in NY they won't issue an order unless their is past evidence of behavior that is in line with violence or abuse. I was deeply hurt that she even tried to get one. It was a major thing that she could possibly think I would ever hurt her.

I just want to go home, see my girls and move on. I in no way would want to remain married to her the way she is currently acting. I'm going to go home and get on with myself. If she doesn't change and decide to work on this, that's on her. All I can do is worry about me and my girls.

Yes, keep the focus on yourself and your girls. Move on. Build yourself a life you want. It doesn't mean things won't work out but you need to move forward and show her you are willing to do that.

And yes, if she doesn't decide to work on it that is hers to deal with. I found they don't always think rationally. My W did all kinds of things that backfired on her.

I'm not saying I've been the perfect H, but I certainly haven't done anything to deserve this. She had mentioned to the friend that she wanted this to be for a year, but when I asked her a few months back if she wanted me to extend it for a year she said no.

Whether you deserve it or not is not the issue. The fact is that you have it deserving or not. Don't ponder this, just accept it's the situation you are in and make decisions accordingly.

She cried to friends and family once she found out where I was going. She wanted me to deploy, just not to a combat zone. She even went through rough emotional times about me being here since I've been here.

It's a roller coaster and it's hers. Stay off of it. She will be all over the place.

This woman is all over the map emotionally. Unfortunately, it's got me all over the map in a place i need my total focus. I don't want to over analyze everything she says or does, but it's difficult to not do that right now.

Again her being all over the map is her roller coaster and not yours unless you jump on with her. Take everything she says and does as an event, don't follow her lead. There are many things my W said she was going to do and never did. There are things she did that she never mentioned she would do. I know it's difficult, but just remember it's her demons she is dealing with. You have your own. Let her take care of her business and you take care of yours.

And stay out of her head. You can't read her mind so you won't know what she's thinking. Even if she told you, you could never know if it's the truth. She'll feel one way this second then the opposite in the next.

I know her plan hasn't materialized like she imagined. I'm sure from her actions and words to others and myself that she's confused as well. I won't really know how far she's gone until I get home. This is going to be 3 1/2 very long weeks.

My W thought I'd be out of the house in two months after she said she wanted a D. She thought she would get the house and the kids and I'd be out. It's been 14 months now and none of these issues have been resolved, so I can say it didn't go according to her plan.

Confused doesn't even scratch the surface.

I'll need your guys help more than ever in the coming days. Just please keep watch on me, and help me not to do something stupid.

They only way you're going to do something stupid is if you do something without coming here first and getting feedback. It's the only time I did something stupid. Keep your mouth shut, breath, take time before you act. We all are in the habit of reacting to them and their behavior, but I challenge you to act rather than react.