Starting Over (Again)

[Cautious]

This is hilarious! This is the stuff I would say if I had the chance. Dude, I wanna see a wreck too! I think that is bad DB'ing though?

Absolutely not. Sometimes our WAS have to have a fight with the new person in order to realize that ALL couples fight and there's no such thing as happily ever after without work. Additionally, the first fight is your "in", where you get to be the knight in shining armor as you "rescue" them from their problems by doing the same thing OM/OW did to you - lending an ear for listening. You have to stomach some details you'd rather not know, but it's par for the course as you're awaiting the X coming back. Again, this is just a strategy I think is appropriate, and not some kind of solid rule. Just makes sense to me. To tie it in with DB, I remember a line in DB that said something about "an affair with your spouse", and that's how I view it: if she/he can steal him/her from me, I can steal right back, except I'll be more understanding about the withdrawl symptoms than she/he was.

g450: Hijack away. We're all in this together. Do you want the positives or the negatives first? Of course you want the positives! Okay, W is showing signs that being around you makes her uncomfortable, awkward even. This means that she is dealing with feelings of attraction and familiarity that she isn't ready to process. A small positive, but definitely a positive. Now the negatives: She's confused. She has no idea what she wants, but she has made up her mind that it's NOT you (not yet, anyway, but that's all up to you if you). You have to accept this decision, as painful as it is. Next time she asks you to do something for her, tell her "I'm sorry, I was about to step out." or "I'm too busy for that right now." You could be busy counting the lint in your belly button, but she doesn't need to know that. All she knows right now is you're her safety net: If she can't find someone NEW to take care of her needs, she can fall right back to you. I applaud you on going dark, but you have to decide that "emergency" better mean someone is bleeding or something is on fire. And even then, she should be calling 911 instead of you, so WTF is she doing on the phone with you?

yrsofhurt: Would it have been better if you had been served on your son's 2nd day of kindergarten? Either way you go, it's a blow. When my papers arrived, it was just another day, but you know why it sucked so much? I went to a friend's house and said "friend" told me to suck it up, she had her own problems. The lack of support is what broke me down to tears. People ask me all the time, especially on this forum, why I put up with ExCautious, only you know that - and you don't owe any of us any explanations. You do owe it to yourself, though, so if you're really wondering, give yourself some time to think/write about it.

I'm glad he's helping you out with the things right now. If nothing else, at least those are a few less duties you have to carry the burden of. Accept what he's offering graciously, and keep moving on with your changes. I would definitely tell him, if I were in your sitch, that you appriciate that he took a couple things off your to-do list, but leave it at that. You don't need a long drawn out conversation to say thank you. In fact, I sometimes give ExCautious a thank you card when he does things, because it encourages the changes I see in HIM that I would like to see in our future, should there be a future of which to speak.

Now for me. Journaling:
Yesterday was a tiny backslide, but I got footing in the end. ExCautious tried to ambush me again while dropping off the check. I admitted my wrongs (after I let him go on about it for a minute or two) and half apologized. I should have given a full apology, but I was caught off guard by the angry ambush - which is becoming his style lately. Did I mention I looked HOT? I could not have looked any better without the aid of cosmetic surgery. Had a graduation to attend, but I'll get to that later, so I already had my cute little dress on, makeup done, hair did, perfume on, etc. So the whole time he's arguing with me, I'm just listening, saying what I have to... then I grabbed that foothold: As you can see, ExCautious, I have some things to do today; we can discuss this at some other time.

Took S5 to the graduation. He was a typical 5 year old, so I was nearly in tears after the two hour service. Not to mention the bad jokes. I had a great time with an attractive classmate. Don't make those "OOOOoooooh" noises, he's three years younger than me. But I didn't mind being seen with him, even if he's not interested. And, in a shady part of town, I was excited to have a man along, even if it was by accident.

My friends had a lovely graduation (former classmates from my school), and there were only minimal tears shed. And for once, I wasn't a cryer. Had a somewhat deep conversation with attractive classmate about how he is too good for another girl who graduated yesterday. Thanked attractive classmate for the company, made some hick jokes (he grew up on a farm), and went home. The rest of classmates attended a pretty wild party last night. I got some much needed sleep.

Overall, I'd say yesterday was some major PMA points. Today, I intend to stay in with S5 playing his favorite video game and, for once, not cooking - we're going to order in, since he fell asleep last night and we couldn't go out to a nice late dinner.