Still in counseling, but made no emergency call to IC; I was very, very distraught emotionally but knew I could -and had to - work, to wrestle this through on my own to make sure it would never come back. It was a night, for sure. Emotional/adaptive child "victim" wound up submitting to rational, functional adult "victor", as I just put to gnosis in the .alt. It was a night for giving the demons full reign and then reigning their asses in. In subsequent IC, session, IC thought the duality of the struggle guaranteed that the stronger, resilient adult would prevail. I was in depths of anguish and despair, but a stronger part of me was rally pi$$ed that I was there - or allowing myself to go there.
I call bullshit on the remark. It sounds great, the inner child struggle, the adult taking control. A triumph. But only works because you're still here.
I'm really glad you made it through that difficult time. I've had that experience where the pain of living almost trumped the joy, love and responsibility of parenting, being there for myself, family and friends. To be honest, I am angry and hurt to the core to your approach to this. And it's really not my place to harangue. Aside from our friendship, it triggers something within my own experience.
So, Bill. Bullshit. If alcohol is involved, even worse. Suicide happens, near suicide happens because the individual doesn't have the skills, the tools to deal with the emotional crisis. Or the support, or knowing there's support, the right support to survive, recover and deal with agony and issues.
I'd toss that counselor who's an hour or so away and find someone closer who doesn't reaffirm what you want to hear. And if the 'natural' path isn't working, opt for the pharmaceutical. I know I'd rather not be regulated by prescription drugs.. but they do their job. And it works because I'm doing the other work.. learning how to be healthy, how to have boundaries, how to live and forgive myself.
We all have demons. We all have skeletons in our closets. We all have fears. You came too close.
Get the skills, not the jargon, to deal with the issues. Drop the romantic notion that you had 16 years of the best life had to offer. It was great. It broke. It didn't get fixed.
Live the life you walk, not what you see in the clouds.
