St Patty's Day sucks. WAW is Irish, and we always threw a big party for all our friends. I miss all the little things we used to share. Still, moving on emotionally. Every time I think of her now I just get angry. Desire for revenge eats me up when I let it.
So far the steps seem to be anger (after the bomb), panic (trying to save marriage), desperation (don't want to be alone after 12 years), more anger (she broke her vows!), odd sense of relief (after she moved out), depression (this is all my fault), exposure (embraced the suck), healing (friends have been GREAT), acceptance (she's not coming back), revelation (this is NOT all my fault), moving on (GAL/going dark).
I still feel a dull feeling of loss, and moments of intense anger, but I feel more like myself than I have in years. Hanging out more with friends, and really talking to people more than I have in a long time. My mom says she feels like we've really talked more in the last month than in the last several years. Wife says she "lost herself" in the marriage. I realized I did too, and I'm remembering the person I used to be. My lust for life is returning. I miss being in a relationship, but I don't necessarily miss it with her.
So put together a St Patricks day bash. There is comfort in tradition.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So put together a St Patricks day bash. There is comfort in tradition.
Thought about it, almost kept it scheduled for last weekend. But it absolutely trashes the house, and I don't want to clean it up by myself right now! I used to work at a bar in town, and it's where I USED to celebrate every St Pat's. It's where all my friends will be (it's kinda' my Cheers - where everybody knows your name). I'm going there!
E-mailed the wife, told her she could take the furniture she wanted (total under $1,000, no biggie, and much of it was hers before we moved in together a decade ago). Also mentioned that the bank accounts were seperated, and she could stay on my health insurance "for now" if she wanted to reimburse me the $240 per month it costs me. Ain't I just a sweetheart?
She's moving furniture out this weekend. Somehow just hit me what that means.
You now have room for the pool/ping-pong table.
Your new drum set.
Poker Table.
Weight rack.
Three Stooges Posters
Beer Fridge
Another opportunity for B2010.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Broken keeping her on health insurance until she gets her own coverage is the right thing to do. Giving her a deadline to get her own or pay you for that coverage is the right thing to do.
This is all part of the high road path. Keep to it. Choices made out of bitterness should be tossed away. High road and tough love.
You should also do this with the car insurance. And just keep her on the life insurance but do not mention it. Only time you would take her off is if you were going to add someone else.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I don't always feel like taking the high road right now, though. I'm getting frustrated with her wanting to be free of me at the speed of light, but remain my BFF. She keeps e-mailing me jokes, but this week has tapered off. I think she's finally taken the hint that after she walked out on me she walked out on our friendship. When I think of her now I just get angry. The sadness has receded to a dull ache. Mostly I feel happy, and free, and more like myself than I have in years. I just want to make this a clean break. I'm thinking of telling her I want to divorce immediately instead of dragging it out and being separated. It's hard not to be resentful and spiteful toward her for wasting 12 years of my life to end up with nothing.
