thank you for your thoughtful analysis of the sitch and hearing me out, and I really think you have a good take on all of it... and I agree with pretty much everything you said.
of course I know how much I contributed to this problem. as I said, this is why I am so tortured... that I had the love of my life and I did not do the proper things to cultivate that relationship.
and I do recognize that the kids are the most important thing right now. I don't want to be away from them any longer.
as you said, though-- this is not so black and white... me choosing career over kids... its more do I dump my career to chase after MLC spouse to other town with OM... and obviously the answer is yes...
You do get beat up, verbally. And you take it better than most.
Everyone here has a shot at coming out of this with an intact and BETTER marriage. Everyone CAN come out of this a better person.
The things you tell us about your wife, you have a good shot...the way I see it you just need to get past and kill some of your internal thinking and conditioning.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Bradley...thank you for explaining it a little better, at least for me, in your last long post.
what would taking a year off of heart surgery...to do general surgery, do to your chances of taking it back up again?
My way of thinking is just...if you move to be closer to the kids, to try and establish a more cohesive family unit, which is the most improtant thing here, does that totally demolish your chances? or does it mean, you take a year off of heart surgery
you know
no one says if she continues to be selfish or you determine the marriage will not work, you can not move somewhere and start fresh...
no one wishes for divorce if divorce happens it sucks for all even those of us who have a much richer and fuller live after divorcing than we ever did in the marriage
by moving you will have set a precident established you are a caring parent willing to sacrifice able to adapt to change
Sometimes sacrifices, some of which seem non-sensical, are made because it is the right thing to do.
Not to get too religious for anyone here, but I am reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac. Isaac was the son promised to Abraham by God. Abraham was even told that Isaac would eventually lead God's people.
And yet Abraham was one day instructed to offer Isaac as a sacrifice to God.
I'm not sure that any of us would do that today - different times, different ways of God speaking to us and working through us.
And Abraham KNEW that God had given him Isaac, and KNEW that God had plans for Isaac...
Even still, Abraham prepared the sacrifice, only to be stopped by God.
I'm not suggesting that God is asking for you to make a sacrifice.
I'm just saying that sometimes we do sacrifice for a bigger reason. Even when that sacrifice seems to be something that makes no sense in the bigger picture.
Sometimes it's just the right thing to do.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
My mother, an rn, was near death a couple of weeks ago. She was in that semi-conscious sleep/dream netherworld that those who are dying often live in for a while. I saw my father, a cardio md, in it as well before his death. Do you know what they each reported thinking/dreaming about? Not their careers, I assure you. Not a word about their careers. They reported thinking only about their spouses and their children. If there is a stronger testament to what is ultimately important in life, I haven't a clue as to what it would be.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
I have told my wife that I would do any job if it meant that I could be up there with them, be a dad, be a husband....probably not the right thing to say...
she did not necessarily go up there for her dream or her work... so if that is the case did it really make sense for me to give up my work as well...that's kindof been the dilemma. not necessarily choosing work over the kids. I wouldn't do that.
its a moot point now though... I'm heading up there. I will be able to see my kids much more and be in their lives. that is the main thing.
