You've been getting quite a beating here and you've accepted it pretty graciously.
We can get a little high and mighty sometimes. And God forbid we catch a whiff of condescension or "oh woe is me" taking precedence over family (particularly our kids)....
As usual, I think reality is a bit more complicated than we tend to make it seem in a forum like this. I think your last big post does the best job yet of clarifying just what the dynamics are between you and your wife.
Those of us who have dealt with MLC (or at least think we have - I've never been quite sure myself) should know well the deceptive ways of the MLC spouse. There was a sense of rightness that I picked up in that last post of yours - a sense of feeling like I was finally picking up on a fuller glance at the situation you are dealing with.
No, there is no career that should trump our family. That is one of the big moments of clarity that most of us will have in a scenario like this where our world is suddenly turned upside down. But you make a good point when you try to get us to look at the whole picture, instead of a more generalized glance.
Your wife did not move for a better job opportunity. She moved to pursue her relationship with her new man. I think that is probably a fair and accurate assessment.
At the same time, it's pretty clear that she also had some legitimate issues with you and what you were bringing (or more accurately, NOT bringing) to the marriage/family. Her needs were NOT being met and she probably legitmately felt as though HER dreams were not of importance.
As so often happens here, there is some truth in the deception that she is carrying out.
Your hesitancy is not JUST selfishness or whining on your part. You do in fact have a legitmate beef with uprooting your life to appease a spouse who is still acting out.
The problem with your indecision Brad is your kids. Because, here especially, kids trump all. While it truly does suck to think of trashcanning a career that you worked long and hard for because of the acting out of an MLC spouse, this may be a case where you have to do just that if you plan to be able to live with the decisions you are now being asked to make.
You absolutely want to the be the father your kids need.
And my guess is that you still hope to save the marriage with your wife.
And if those two statements are true for you, you may well have to do something that you shouldn't have to do, given your wife's improper actions. It's not fair. I would even say it's not right (your wife deserves no more of a free pass than you do in my opinion), but if you want to be a man of integrity and honor, you may have to do it anyway.
I do happen to believe that you are still being played by your wife. At the same time, I also believe that your wife is still teetering on the issue of whether or not you are someone she could still have a future with.
Tough times buddy, but not much you can do about it.
Guess I just wanted to chime in with my take. You've been beat up a bunch here, some deserved and, I think, some not so deserved. Don't take my comments as a legitimization of your more selfish traits though. In the end I will still tell you that, heart surgeon or not, family trumps all.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
