Thanks, flowmom, for your outrage. It makes me feel better! I think I went through a "numb" period where I didn't allow myself to really think about how this man behaved. I also think I hesitated to tell H all the details because I felt like I did something wrong or could have prevented it all. I know that's not true, but it didn't stop me from feeling that way.
You're right about his reaction. However, I'll admit that it was a relief that he didn't react with indifference or a "not my problem" attitude. And I'm sure it's true that he doesn't want to be preoccupied with thoughts of my safety. I bet that's a real downer.
OMG - echo FM. What that man did was SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Which by the way often feels like it is your fault. It's confusing and numbing. Please please please call 911 next time that man says anything or if he follows you again.
Acutally, you could make a police report as well as file sexual harassment charges at your job. If he doesn't do it again to you, he for sure has done or will do it to someone else.
Coming to your house and trying to get in your bedroom - he was stalking you. That is scary.
You have to report it. He's probably going to do it to a student if you don't. This kind of stuff is part of a pattern of behavior usually. He's possibly a rapist. Sorry to scare you, but I'd get a house alarm installed. He was trying to humiliate and boundary test you in all of those interactions.
H4L, it is very scary. I has bothered me so much that it happened at all. It's especially difficult because I trusted this man and considered him a friend.
I have some friends that work for our city's police department on the SWAT team, and they would help me with this if I asked. The whole thing is surreal and terribly creepy.
rr22, I bet you're right about this being a pattern of behavior for him. This can't be the first time he's done something like this to a woman or even a co-worker. I shudder to think that he would do this to a student, but I can honestly say that I don't know who he really is.
I've told my boss, and he was really disturbed by it. He fully supports my wanting to no longer do trainings with this man. My assistant has been especially protective. When this man comes near, she never leaves my side, or she gets almost between this man and me. I just worry about running into him when I'm by myself at the copier or in a hallway.
I like the home security system idea. I'll start checking into that this weekend when I'll have time to do some research. Boxer dog is a pretty good deterrent to strangers (he's a big one), but he's not scary to people who know him!
8, telling your boss is not enough IMO. You shouldn't have to deal with a stalker and potential rapist in your workplace. You did nothing to invite this and your employer has a responsibliity to deal with this issue. An official complaint is necessary to protect you. He could pull all sorts of stuff to drag you down in your job and you won't have a leg to stand on if all you do is have a chat with someone. You're probably only starting to process your feelings about this. But I would recommend that you take action so that you don't end up having to leave your job to protect yourself. Make him pay the price for his actions...don't pay it for him by being afraid in the workplace and at home.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
If you follow my thread at all, then this post should not come as a surprise to you. In other words, if it's going to happen to someone, it's going to be me.
There was a bird in my chimney this afternoon.
To be clear, I do not fear birds (even after seeing the Hitchcock movie multiple times). I'm not girly or squeamish about bugs, reptiles, or dirt. That being said, I did not want to deal with chimney bird.
He thundered around in there for 20 minutes or so while I hatched my plan. After much thought, I reached in and opened the flue, and I closed the fire screen. I figured I could catch him with a towel.
Not so.
He hid behind the logs for about an hour. I got tired of waiting, so I put on my gardening gloves. I removed the gas logs one by one, taking care to keep the fire screen in place as much as possible. When I reached in to capture this gigantic eagle of a bird, he flew out into my den.
I'm not a screamer, but I think I may have screamed then.
The raptor flew to a window and wedged himself between the window and the blinds. At this point, Boxer dog was paralyzed with fear and longing to escape from the torment of his domicile.
I shrieked as the falcon-like creature beat against the window and my gloved hands as I tried to capture him. At last, I caught him and released him back to the wild (my backyard).
Boxer dog is traumatized. He has not yet recovered from the dust mop I bought last weekend. The bird fiasco has likely put him over the edge.
You're absolutely right, flowmom. I need to get something on the record. My boss gave me copies of our organization's policy on sexual harassment and explained the process of filing a complaint. I'll make time this weekend to sort through the papers and compose a letter.
I don't like feeling the way I do at work, so I'll have to act to change this. I love my job and my workplace, but I'm uncomfortable there right now. I'm sure more feelings will continue to surface, and I need to do what I can to take care of myself (and protect my job like you said).
8, I'm glad to read that you're planning to take action to make your workplace a safer place for you. I can't remember if you're in IC, but it think that it would be a good idea to talk to a professional to process the experience. I imagine that some of your thoughts and feelings are hard to talk about with people, but it's really good to make space for them so that this experience doesn't leave a residue in your life.
And about the bird...I'd be calling that Feng Shui consultant so fast. Seriously. I'm not superstitious, but there is something happening in your home and it could be help you to take some concrete actions (even if they are symbolic) to manifest your intentions in your home base. You've been invaded by that man and then by a bird of prey. I believe that working with life experiences on a symbolic level (as with Feng Shui) can create powerful subconscious ripples, and that is why humans have used rituals since before recorded history.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
OK, we're going to hold you to filing the sexual harassment complaint. And the home security system. I have been a victim of sexual abuse and believe me those guys don't stop. I guess he'll try more on you.
I totally understand how it feels unreal, scary, confusing, like it was your fault, all that stuff. Believe me I do. And the bird invasion bringing out the same feeling. Wow. But listen to us if you are feeling confused - this man has done something very wrong, threatening, and probably will again. Please take action to protect yourself.
Let us know how we can help you - to help answer questions, keep you focused, etc. Time to take care of you and stand up for yourself now!
