I do appreciate your honesty. I appreciate being called out, if indeed that is what needs to happen.
no I do not think my dream is any more important than anyone elses. I think you misunderstood me. what I mean is just like anything else that requires many hard hours to become it, a fireman, anything-- that you become that thing to some extent. and in particular, if you enjoy it, giving it up is giving up a large part of yourself.
and trust me when I say I am humbled more than you know by this experience.
here is the thing Fig-
she moved up there "for a year" to "pursue a dream to start a foundation"... then she would come back.
the foundation still does not exist. she does not have a job. she, herself, last week, said, "there is no reason why I would stay here"... yet when there was an opportunity for me to take a job in louisville... and she could be doing exactly what she wants to do (pediatric palliative care)... she didn't want to go. no good reason. then this opportunity came back to stay. now she didn't want to come because she "didn't want to live there-- that's why I left.". this was never the original reason. she never even lived here. she was here for about 2 weeks... then left.. originally, when she left it was to pursue the dream for one year then come back. at that time I did not know the job here was not going to work out.
are you reading between the lines? she moved to the town to be with the OM. he left his wife around the same time. thus... now I am giving up not so much my dream-- but what I was trained to do-- to go to another town where YES I can be with my kids-- but this is the town that I need to go to because my wife went there to be with another man.
I have supported her unconditionally in this endeavor-- even as she has ruined me financially. however-- the whole thing was based on a lie.
it is NOT that simple to just say, "let her pursue her dream and now I will sacrifice". she is pursuing not so much her work dream, but her fantasy life.
there is a powerful reason why she moved there, and a powerful reason why she doesn't want to leave, and a powerful reason why she would actually force me to make a decision of my kids or my career (when really there were a few options where that did not need to happen)... and I can only think of one thing, since nothing else exists there right now. so that powerful thing is not something insignificant to me, particularly when I am making such a big life decision. maybe none of this matters. my kids are there-- and I need to go there.
however if she truly meant what she says-- that she does not want a divorce, wants us to be a "success", and -- and wanted to keep the family intact-- as she has said, she would leave that town, again where she said there is nothing there for her, right? does any of this make any sense?
in other words her story for why she went there has changed, her story for why she won't leave also changes... when really the reasons are pretty darn clear.
OM now lives about a stones throw from her-- bought a house right there.
and I DO NOT love heart surgery more than my family. I never did.
and this is a one way trip. you stop doing it it is not like riding a bike--- thats it... done.
in the end... she played me. she manipulated me. she lied to me about her intentions. she lied about coming back. she told me "this is my dream". so I supported her. unfortunately now she's got the kids. in a town with the OM. and I'm going to move there and give up what I do. however I am willing to do that to be closer to my kids. to be a father. this is the reality of things
