setting boundaries when not clear if A is over

[Piano]

Am stuck in a huge rut.

Lots of people around me assume that separation/divorce is inevitable & some are even buying WH's very rational sounding arguments for leaving me, having a A, etc etc. No-one knows it is classic WAS 'script' !

I am starting to feel like my own little island of resistance.....

I need reinforcements!!

Main concerns are:

I haven't replied to WH's last emails. Got no idea what to do/say at this point....
DB coach says 'Don't ask H for anything'.
Old timers on these forums say Gather Intel and Set Boundaries... maybe even go DARK.

What approach to use??

On gathering intel, I don't know HOW to ask for help from those close to WH and OW who might know..these people are closer to the offending affair couple than they are to me...so even if they disapprove, they'd really be putting themselves on the line... and it's very possible none of them even know what is going on...seem to be keeping right out of it.

So then what if I find out that the A is still going in some form and by long-distance???

My WH has left, he has been very clear about our M being over for him. A D is inevitable, I'm guessing.

I can't spy on someone, or make demands on someone who is no longer living with me. It's not like he is at home and carrying out a double-life. He's left.

All I can think of doing - in the absence of information about whether or not he is pursuing the OW - is to play extremely hardball. Close common bank accounts and go DARK until the birth.

And after going dark, I don't know how the crap I am going to cope in 2 months time when my baby is born and I suddenly have to switch the lights back on and see/talk/negotiate with him.

Can anyone see a way to navigate the long road ahead...?

I don't want to throw in the towel just yet.