Eric I have to agree with the others. She is trying to tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you, and you are ignoring her and choosing to feel rejected based on your own feelings, NOT on what she truly feels or wants. In the post you quoted her as saying:
"You’re supposed to stop acting like it’s another “job” for me. Something I “have” to do to make you happy. You act like that is the only thing I can do to make you feel like I care about you and that I love you. It isn’t. You act like if I don’t, then I’m a horrible person. It doesn’t exactly turn me on to know that’s the only way you won’t complain about our relationship. That shouldn’t be the only thing that makes you happy, makes you feel like I care, or gets you to not complain. It should be something that is appreciated for what you get, not something you complain about not getting enough. It drives me MAD to think the only way you think I love you is that if we have sex. It makes it feel like work. I’m sure this is just going to piss you off, but it’s the way I feel and it makes me not want it at all."
And also she said:
“will baby love me?” is NOT a proper way to proposition me. It’s like saying, “if you don’t do this, I will think you hate me” which completely turns me OFF. You don’t seem to understand."
You are turning her off completely, and then you are blaming her for being turned off. You must look at what she is truly saying in order to understand it, and stop looking through your usual filter. Your filter seems to believe "if she loves me, she will have unbridled lust for me, and if she doesn't, she doesn't really love me". But that just isn't true for many women. Women can have their lust totally turned off for their man, even while she still loves him very much. His attitude about sex can easily turn her on or off, and your attitude is clearly turning her off. It isn't about her love for you. Its about your attitude about sex. You want to believe that loving you will automatically create lust within her and while that does hold true for many men, it doesn't always hold true for women. Men and women experience desire and lust differently on different levels, and get turned on or off by different things. You need to stop assuming that her love for her will turn her on, and instead believe her when she's telling you that your attitude is turning her off.
When she said "is baby gonna love me" is turning her off when you say it, you need to just believe her and stop being insulted. OK so it hurts your ego a bit to hear that your approach isn't working, but don't make that her fault. Just accept that it isn't working and get ready to fix it. She is also saying she is bored with the sex. Again, that's gotta hurt your ego, but don't you want to fix this? If you do, then take it on the chin like a champ and get to work on changing that.
Start by focusing on yourself and not on "what's wrong with her". Read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Try to find out what types of men (in movies or books she reads or whatever) have turned her on in the past or currently turn her on, and study what it is about them that she likes. Obviously "is baby gonna love me" to her sounds wimpy and like begging.
A clue for you: women are nearly always turned off by a man who begs for sex. Instead, most women are turned on by a man who knows he is sexy and knows he is good in bed, and by a man who behaves as if he's going to rock her world.
In your case, I don't recommend any type of strong approach just yet. However, if you could for now focus on some touching and kissing that does NOT lead to sex, it might start things. For instance, get a kiss from her, put your hands on her hips, and after the kiss when she's about to pull away because she thinks the kiss is over, pull her gently but firmly by her hips toward you and give her another kiss, a slightly longer one. Then let her go, and say nothing. Act like its no big deal. The point is NOT to try to coerce her into bed or make her turned on. The point is for you to plant one good kiss on her without any expecations of sex, just one sexy kiss for its own sake.
Stick around. You can learn a few things here if you are willing to change your attitude. Right now you are convinced it is all her fault, but you are wrong.
My ex-h used to think that just because he wanted to have sex, that should be all it took to get me to want to have sex, too. He didn't realize that it was going to take more than his desire for me to make me feel desire. It was going to take a huge change in his attitude about himself and about sex before I'd desire him. He never "got it", hence, my EX-h.
