I just thank God that this is over for you, and you got a lollipop to take home with you. because that will grow and expand in your soul--that even the "enemy" knew the truth about your being a wonderful father.
I remember the first time D14 left our home with her father after the split. I cried, I wailed, I thought I would die. I made my dogs howl, in fact. And for months and months, I pretty much languished while she was gone. It just seemed the only appropriate way to "be." But eventually I began to use the time to get some balance in my life, to nurture myself, to have some quiet time--which made me a better mom. It's horrible in the beginning, I won't lie to you, but one adjusts. and as I said in an earlier post, you can still talk to your kids daily, read stories over the phone, attend school events...it will be okay, Frank. It will be far better than it looks right now. I promise.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I'm glad this part of the process is over for you.
I'm also irate at how the legal system so indiscriminantly awards custody and money to one spouse or the other.
It boggles the mind how on one hand the legal system refuses to assign blame in the demise of the marriage and then on the other hand willingly chooses which parent is the more fit one by awarding primary custody.
This is NOT justice.
A man and woman who divorce, assuming that both truly love their children and WANT time with them, should have equal time with their children. PERIOD. There is no legitimate reason for our court system to select one parent over the other when both are capable parents and when both want the time with the children.
It makes me want to scream from the rooftops that you get only 2 out of every 14 evenings with your two children. Meanshile the woman who CHOSE to become a serial adultress, who CHOSE to break the vows/promises she made, who CHOSE to turn this separation into an all out war - she not only suffers no consequences for those actions (God forbid our legal system render a judgement on the morality of screwing around when you're married), she is actually rewarded on the basis of her gender and deemed the parent who SHOULD receive both primary custody and financial support from you.
It's absolutely ridiculous.
For years and years I thought little of no fault divorce. Now that I've experienced it, I see much more clearly the many little insidious fingers that make it such a glaring black mark on our society as a whole.
Enough of my rant.
Frank, my greatest hope for you is a lengthy period of healing and peace. You have been through an emotional war for the past couple years, and there are many times that I can almost literally see the slow damage it is doing on you. Know that from here on out, things will begin to improve. Find your way, enjoy the days without the constant hatred and animosity being directed your way.
I'm glad the end is beginning.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
You did better than I thought you would. Intersting what her atty said - but why not after all the $$ YOU indirectly paid him.
I hate to say it but the ending is just the beginning. The earthquake hit now brace for the aftershocks. The emotion of moving from your home, the nights without seeing your kids, yes even the BS of dating again.
Steel yourself Frank. Now more than ever. For me, even two years post-D the hurt is still vivid.
Frank, I will say something that I have been thinking for a whiile: I dont see how anything you will face in the future could be any harder and nerve wrecking than the last years you spent under the same roof with that woman. And that goes for your kids as well.
Have faith that things will turn out fine in the end. For all of you. xxx K
I think we can add family law to that list of things gone wrong in one of the original 13 colonies.
Absolutely Kerry. I intend to write a letter to my local congressman. It's abdominable...what the divorce law does here. If STBXW and I each refused to accept contructive abandonment (no sex for 12 months), then, with cruel and inhuman treatment, we each would have to go on the stand and discuss EACH AND EVERY INCIDENT in front of the court.
Originally Posted By: kml
FIB I'm busier than ever, but in a good way. (Oh, and not to mention, visits to the ninja master...)
Pick up an instrument.
..and I"m sure you are practicing away on it. Gotta love a woman who loves a good instrument. LOL. Cheers kml. You sound so different and so much better than the early posts on my thread. 'Music' calms the savage beast. Play on kml.....gptta get me a ninja woman. LOL.
To gypsy...no more lollipop comments. I'm single soon. lol FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
The last week I've had to 'rationalize this' into something I could comprehend to ease the difficulty. I thought of the new highway running through a small town with houses in the way. If you sat down, kicked and screamed and held onto the carpet, they're gonna drag you out of the there and the wrecking ball was coming thru no matter what.
This had to get done. I have so many friends here that have passed this stage. It's simply my turn.
My son called me at 8:30PM last night, asking me where I was and if I was coming home. When I arrived, he was awake, scared and STBXW...er...xW and D6 were asleep. F her. I told him to come downstairs and hang out on the couch with me while I unwinded and S9 feel asleep there. I carried him upstairs after.
Professional DWM, non-smoker, looking for ninja woman.
So...anyone have any good lines that won't get me thrown in prison when I am asked to stand up and say I begged her for 12 months for sex and didn't get any? LOL.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
