"All rise"

[faithisbelieving]

Impasse. STBXW wants a guarantee of 100K on sale of house. FIB

[smith18]

Do what your L suggests. Maybe you could agree with this in exchange for something you want. Business deal. But it is a business deal with vultures.

[Drew]

Impasse. STBXW wants a guarantee of 100K on sale of house. FIB

Be careful!!! In today's market that's a dangerous proposition. My ex offered me the house if I handed over $60K. A year and a half later when we finally sold it, we each netted about $5K.

[Gypsy]

Hey Frank..

Sheesh.. there are NO guarantees in today's market.

*hugs*

[faithisbelieving]

To all..this appears done.

I refused to cave on the 100K guarantee. If the house went down in price, my STBXW would have more money on the sale than I would and the house is in MY name. There was also a HELOC (marital asset) that they wanted to dump on me.

Ironically, my L was able to legally show that STBXW wasn't due ANY money from the house. HOWEVER, if it went to court, my L told me that her L had experts, 3 of them, that would testify against my income. She predicted easily a 3 week trial. Since I would be responsible for STBXW's court costs, you can do the math. A trial would wipe out any equity in the house.

What closed the negotiation:

• The judge 'suggested' that I accept a downgrade from 60/40 to 55/45 in exchange for the HELOC coming off the top of the sale of the house
• I get 4 weeks of vacation with kids over the summer vs. 3

The tough things:

• STBXW gets to stay in the house until closing but can leave earlier
• my CS is based on X income for 2 years but then will increase to Y income

STBXW was nasty (as usual), using such phrases as 'don't be a prick about x,y,z'.

Finally, next Thursday, in the wonderful state of NY, STBXW and I will stand up in a public court room and aver that "we begged for sex for 12 months and were refused". We will then be officially unofficially divorced until the final decree somes out.

This ? brings to an end? a 2 year ordeal of a man trying desperately to save his marriage, followed by a 2 1/4 year ordeal of being tortured with his kids and the police department.

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

I want to thank all of you for standing by me during this difficult 1-2 weeks.

I am at a loss as to what to say. I know I will be OK now and I am looking forward to the day when I can sit down with my kids without STBXW looking over me. However, now, I must find a way to adapt to a life without my kids during the week.

I will now mourn that, but, as you all know, I will move on, somehow. I always told STBXW before all this happened that I would never let my family down. Well, I won't minus a wife. Well, NY will require me to pay her.

I actually like STBXW's attorney, in spite of all the motions, etc. I know it is a business. I walked up to him after and shook his hand, asked him if I could talk man to man. I asked him if he would, in a private way, have a talk with STBXW and try and get her to 'back down' (not said in those words). Then, smiling, I said to him, "oh, and btw, I am not x,y and z", phrasing some of the nasty stuff that STBXW quoted. He smiled. I think he knew.

X's attorney then went on to say how he thought that the previous female judge hurt us by ordering that no one sleep with the kids. He said, by doing that, not knowing that a precedent had be set before things went sour, she created this horrible 'air'. He shook my hand again and hoped that "I made a million dollars someday because your children will benefit greatly with you."

And finally, he agreed...which got me choked up..that they hadn't seen a father in court who was so committed to their children. I guess that's the lollipop I get to take home to assuage the pain of losing them half the time.

The system in the state of NY sucks. It is archaic. It is broken. It is the only state left that requires a couple to find fault to get divorced. That, honestly and without saying with bigotry, is secondary to the lobbying power of the diocese of NY. It needs to be changed.

All the motions...all the police calls...all the finger pointing...all the court visits.....MEANT NOTHING. As everyone says, it simply comes down to dollars and a custody agreement. My children are victims of my state's laws.

STBXW: "You know, even though you gave me the grandfather clock for giving birth to Paige, I didn't ask for it knowing that you would probably take it anyway."

Funny...I did ask for it, but, because I thought she would never take it since, on the front, is a small engraving saying, "The FIB Family, 2003." I will give it to my son in my will when that day comes.

So, after 4 years, I guess, I still can't understand the unhappiness that occurs in a person that is SO bad, that they will destroy their marriage, uproot and hurt their children, throw away their home. I simply accept that it happens now. Although I have felt the pain and sadness of divorce, I don't think anyone..ANYONE...has made me THAT unhappy (well, STBXW now I guess, lol).

"I love you but I want the romance back", translated: you are a great guy, a good man and a good father, but, the excitement is gone and I want to get that back. I want to trade up.

Period.

It rarely comes back. It's definitely worth the try of working it, but, after awhile............

FIB

[bright_new_day]

You did good. Life will go forward, and upward!

[smith18]

Finally some closure! And it was good that you had some nice words with your XW's lawyer.

It is crazy that you both have to make that sort of testimony next week.

Not to bash the great state of NY too much, but I read that Albany is witholding state tax refunds. I also saw a list of things gone wrong in NY...

1) TAXES and then MORE TAXES

2) Albany corruption

3) Union thugs running the business into the ground

4) Social programs that DO NOTHING to help ANYONE but state employees administering them.

5) Roads from hell

6) Welfare culture that promotes sloth rather than a work ethic

7) ZERO private sector jobs being created

8) a lot of people who absolutely believe government is THE solution and big business is THE problem

9) political families who believe they have a divine right to rule NY State

10) cities that look like East Berlin in 1982

I think we can add family law to that list of things gone wrong in one of the original 13 colonies.

Actually, when I re-read that list, it kind of defines where I live too in the Portland Oregon area.

[kml]

FIB -
I know you are so sad at the thought of not having your kids all the time. But it just is, an unchangeable fact of divorce.

I want you to start thinking about what GOOD things you can bring into your life in those days that you're not on dad duty.

My kids were older, but the divorce has still opened up big swaths of time in my life, especially since we sold the house and the boys ended up living with ex (I haven't swung a new house for myself yet). Surprisingly, that time is completely filled with rock band practice and drum lessons, socializing with new friends my ex never would have liked....in fact, I'm busier than ever, but in a good way. (Oh, and not to mention, visits to the ninja master...)

Pick up an instrument. I highly recommend the drums

Ellie

[Gypsy]

Hey Frank..

*hugs*

Good job. And that's a mighty fine pat on the back, your lollipop, on your commitment as a father.

It's an honor to lend support.

*hugs*