flowmom | need to commit to myself

[rr22]

SR said:
We're all independant and strong people, we all came into this world individually and that's how we'll leave so we all can learn to rely on ourselves.



This is certainly true,SR. Thanks for sharing your insight and experiences. You have been in this a long time.

[flowmom]

Thanks SR...you've been through it all, haven't you. And it sounds like you've learned a lot. That's what I aspire to: knowing I can stand on my own two feet.

[flowmom]

OK, two things that made me smile this afternoon:

I must have forgotten to put on my mommy-cloak-of-invisibility this afternoon because I was carrying a heavy box of books and a guy offered to help me with it! He was an attractive black guy with long fashion dreads. Kinda thing that never happens to me

Then I saw my kids playing parkade hockey with the neighbours. My little D3 had joined in and was zooming around with her stick. Gosh I love her feistiness (she's the youngest).

[Awoken]

so flowmom is losing her "mommy-cloak-of-invisibility"? I think it might be your self growth coming out. congrats!

Then I saw my kids playing parkade hockey with the neighbours. My little D3 had joined in and was zooming around with her stick. Gosh I love her feistiness (she's the youngest).

THIS makes me so happy to read. They are resilient.

[mindfull]

I must have forgotten to put on my mommy-cloak-of-invisibility this afternoon because I was carrying a heavy box of books and a guy offered to help me with it! He was an attractive black guy with long fashion dreads. Kinda thing that never happens to me

Flo - I just had to chime in on this one... I would give one of my own LIMBS to just BE Lenny Kravitz's presence! This story just reminded me of him! LoL Swoon! Who knew the blonde from the Midwest digs rockin' black men w/dreads? (Although I like his hair better shorter...!!)

I love your smiles today! Don't you love the youngest child? LoL My S10 is like your D3. He's a club soccer goalkeeper. Who in their right mind LIKES to be shot on non-stop? SHEESH!

Love the stories. Keep them coming. They're good for our PMA!

[Kalni]

I am a fan of Lenny as well...

I have been working in the same company for 13 years now, at the airport. I see and meet many people every day. I had VERY rarely people checking me out. After the bomb when I started feeling better, I had supervisors/managers almost harrassing me, LOL!! It was great for my PMA and worked miracles on the way I reacted towards H. I guess the sign "I am ALMOST available" had been turned on without me knowing cause I believe that people that are looking/need attention, send vibes... Even if it is completely innocent.

Build on the momentum and be positive. Everything will be fine in the end, if it is not fine, it is not the end yet...
Hugs
K

[Butterfly1]

Oooh, Lenny is hitting on Flowmom~ we're all loving that image!

And you WILL know you can stand on your own two feet. You aren't long into this and you are so strong. It takes a long long time to get there. You will I know it and probably faster than I did!~ lol

[flowmom]

Well I've decided I am in a rut. My actions and how I am spending my time does not involved GAL enough. I get immediate comfort from spending time in this forum, reading books, etc., but the time is out of balance. Meanwhile I am not doing enough of the activities that I need to be doing: meditation, exercise, paid work, annoying paperwork, expanding my social network, preparing for D. Those activities may help me in the medium turn, but I get NO immediate reward from doing them. So I am in a place where GAL will involve forcing myself to take actions that feel very uncomfortable, and spend less time comforting myself. Unless I ACT like a healthy, positive, well-balanced independent person...I probably won't get there.

My problem is ACTION. Always hard for me. I get tangled up in research, thoughts, plans, second-guessing, mental ruts. I'm starting Zoloft today to see if it helps with focus and anxiety. I may have some situational depression, but from what I understand ADs can help with focus/anxiety as well. So I'd like to see if it can help with that. I need to start experimenting with things that might work rather than trying to figure out what the best thing to do is.

I actually tried Zoloft right after the separation, and had what I thought were horrible side effects and stopped after 4 days. But I also had PMS, pneumonia, was taking hardcore antibiotics, and I was in very early days of "shattering". So I have to see if the side effects really were the Zoloft and not all the other stuff now that I'm more stable.

I do have friends who found that low doses of antidepressants just "took the edge off" and allowed them to start initiating self care activities like exercise, meditation, and making life changes.

This is a hard step for me because I was raised with powerful alternative health messages...pharmaceuticals feel "evil" to me. But at this point I can't afford to wallow when there's something that I can do that stands a good chance of helping me with little effort on my part.

[Coach]

Meanwhile I am not doing enough of the activities that I need to be doing: meditation, exercise, paid work, annoying paperwork, expanding my social network, preparing for D. Those activities may help me in the medium turn, but I get NO immediate reward from doing them.

Care to defend that statement?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Oh FM, I know what you mean. It's like what I was saying in my post about myself. I plan to keep myself busy, I think I have a plan but when the time comes I don't find the motivation to step outside my comfort zone to do it and instead stay in status quo even if I'm miserable.

I was looking up Habitat for Humanity near by, meetup.com to find hiking/biking activities, even looking at the guitars to learn to play one. It does give me something to focus on and look forward to but I need to take it to the next level and do it.

For every activity you listed you should also list the 'next action' that'll allow you to actually do it. As opposed to saying I need to meditate, you should say I need to get up half an hour early to medidate for example. Break down complex projects/activities into smaller bite sized chunks and live in the solution, not in the problem. I do this at work and I know I have to do the same for myself.