I'm so sorry to hear you felt that bad. You have all my sympathy; I have been on the edge of deliberate self harm this whole journey. I have shared this with a few key friends. I check in every few days and make them repeat all the reasons why I shouldn't. I printed out one list and read it every day. I try to have short term goals: finish this show. Run the 1/2 marathon I've been training for. Get laid!
You have many reasons to keep going; your children most of all. You are worth living for; he is not worth dying for.
Peace
Each day. One goal. Your children. Your friends. You are worth living for. He is not worth dying for.