i'm sitting down in the lobby of my building, hitting up the free wi-fi and just sort of people watching. a young couple i know in the building just walked in with their dog...they are getting married in a few months and it suddenly struck me that that's not my life anymore. i'm not in love and engaged or an over the moon newlywed...i can wish and hope, but it's not going to change that my whole life is changed because of a decision my H made. i am very much in love with a man who didn't want to live with me anymore, so he moved out. i buy groceries for 1 again, and it's up to me to walk the dog before work every morning. i don't have a husband at home anymore to share my day with, to laugh about something funny that happened at work, or to call and vent to when my mother makes me nuts. what happened to that man? where is my husband?

i cried myself to sleep last night, which i haven't done in a while. it actually felt good to cry, because i feel like i've been so busy GAL-ing lately that i haven't allowed myself any time or space to deal with my feelings. i'm hurting. i miss my H. i miss my married life. i keep on, i get through the day and i can smile and laugh and be happy without him. but i still have to answer questions from friends and family about where he is, or how he is...and i just hate having to say...i don't know.

Me30 H29
M2.5 T5
H moved out 1/23/2010
H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010
...feeling hopeless