Things That Matter

[bright_new_day]

You state that their M is none of my business. That's a pretty blunt, unqualified statement. And given any other circumstance, I would immediately agree with you. However, can anyone give me a rational reason why I should respect their M when neither of them had the decency to respect mine?

I never said you should respect it, I simply said it is not your business and there is nothing you can do about it. It is a legal marriage. The law allows divorce and remarriage. You cannot change that.

Even were you to convince me that encouraging my S's to honor their mother's new union as in their best interests, there is still this utter hypocrisy about also totally disregarding the covenant I had had with their mother -- and thereby totally invalidating the family the four of us once shared.

I would never tell you to encourage your sons to honor their mother's new marriage. All I have said is that it is not in your best interests to make derogatory remarks. It will not raise you in your sons esteem. Why does it have to be an extreme, honor/degrade...why not indiferrence? I know where you are coming from, my X left for OW and married her 14 days after our divorce was final. We had 4 kids together and were married for 21 years. I have never said anything positive to my children about their marriage, nor have I said anything negative. And now my daughter who is 12 has figured it all out on her own.

They broke the laws (in this state still at least), despite its lack of enforcement, and now they should be rewarded for it? And you want to further compound the injustice of this by granting them the same protections and recognition that were denied me and my family?

You don't have the power to grant or take away anything from them. Their marriage exists within the law, yes the same laws they broke to get to that point. Why do you have to comment at all.
All I am saying is that making your sons feel bad about their mother is not going to make them feel better about you. Why waste the time that you have with them being negative? Focus on them and the positives that you have together!