flowmom | need to commit to myself

[ImprovedRomeo]

You guys are definitely not alone. Trust me, I see myself in you guys how I was 4 years ago. I was a mess. Read through some of my older posts here from 2006-2007 if you don't believe me. The thought of her not being there with me felt like my life was over. One of the reasons was she totally blindsided me, I had no clue and always thought our marriage was great minus the usual ups and downs of a relationship. So after she dropped the bomb I built up her image in mind as the one who I somehow did wrong, didn't hear her cries, didn't treat her right somehow. I took all the blame upon myself. I wanted so badly for her to know that I was sorry from the bottom of my heart and would do anything to have her back...yet she made me wait 2 years + other bad stuff. When she came back I was the happiest man on earth but early on I felt she hadn't changed and I felt she had one foot out the door.

So this time, I'm a different person. I know I can stand on my own two feet. I know I can take care of my daughter. I don't NEED her, I still would like her back but not in her current state. She needs to meet me half way, she needs to figure out her issues etc.

If she doesn't and chances are she won't do I have any hope that I'll ever find someone who would truly understand me, my quirks, my good and my bad? Umm...very little but do I want to find someone who truly does appreciate and want me? I do and for that reason I'm willing to try - besides I don't have much of a choice if she doesn't come back (which likely she won't).

We're all independant and strong people, we all came into this world individually and that's how we'll leave so we all can learn to rely on ourselves. I think about people that are much worse off than me, I think about those that are quadrapalegic, those that've lost everything, those that've lost their little ones like Amber and Chelsey in San Diego, those that were truly done wrong and hung for a crime they didn't commit. I have much to be thankful for and look forward to. I just hope my wife isn't too unfair when it comes to the D settlement but I plan to keep my side of the street clean.