Question

[awest1217]

Thanks to both of you.

K-after reading your posts, I definitely value your opinion and advice because I believe you have been exactly where I am and have come out on the other side so the advice it very much welcomed.

Lucky-with having a small child also I know you understand how I feel, and I agree with you about just proceeding with this arrangement for S's sake.

I am planning on proceeding with the D. I am going to file taxes together as a good will gesture, but it is clear that I am keeping all of the refund. Depending on the amount of the refund, I will either file or save as much as I can and file this summer. I don't want to file and not have money to pay. I am though going to, after H signs the visitation agreement, live life like we are divorcing. I am not going to talk to him or ask him about his day. If he asks me a question, I will answer, but keep things mostly with S. We have easter and my birthday in April, but I am planning on celebrating apart whether I have filed or not. My plan is to file, but if I don't have the money, I can't right now because I am not going to go into more debt over a D.

I am wanting the D because I want this to be over. H keeps popping in and out whenever he wants and guilting me if I don't allow him into his life by saying how horrible his life is and how he hates his life. Too bad, you made your life what it is...it is not my fault. For a year, you have been living a life completely separate from me so why didn't you save a bunch of money (because that was always my fault), why didn't you pay bills on time, why aren't you happy. Sorry I know you guys aren't H, but I can't talk to H like that. This is one thing I have noticed has changed a lot from last year at this time. I hold my tongue and emotions so much better. Improvement!

I sent H an e-mail explaining the agreement and how I tried to make it as fair as possible. I let him know that I know he deserves to see S and support that decision because S needs his dad fully in his life. The agreement itself talks about everything from child-support to insurance to regular schedules to holidays and vacations to rules like no going out of state without giving the other parent an itinerary, etc. I tried to think of everything. I also said S would not spend the night until a permanent living arrangement is established. It definitely reads business like to keep emotions out of that part and is made for the future. It will probably scare H because he will say as he always does, but I might be home by then...doubt it...and he will say it reads like a divorce is upcoming...it is unless he shows me change as lucky said. I need to see a change not just hear it.

Overall it was rough to write. A lot of tears, but it is done and I feel good about it.