I will do whatever is necessary that is best for my S's. Let me state that unequivocally.
However, that is not going to stop me from questioning the rationality and the assumptions for every little detail behind any prescribed course to that end. Do you follow?
I am in a serious mode now, given the fracturing of my world, my family, to which I am compelled to question everything. I am not going to accept "conventional wisdom" at face value. That does not mean I won't accept any of it at all -- instead it means I will carefully weigh the entire body of thought that has supposedly gone into these accepted notions before I consign myself to adopting any of them. But the case has to be fully brought and delivered in its entirety first.
So, case in point: You state that their M is none of my business. That's a pretty blunt, unqualified statement. And given any other circumstance, I would immediately agree with you. However, can anyone give me a rational reason why I should respect their M when neither of them had the decency to respect mine?
Even were you to convince me that encouraging my S's to honor their mother's new union as in their best interests, there is still this utter hypocrisy about also totally disregarding the covenant I had had with their mother -- and thereby totally invalidating the family the four of us once shared.
xW is the one who left the family, who wanted out -- not I. This was all herdecision, so should she not be the one to make any concessions? And by the same token, why should her new M be given even a shred of credence when she breached the "legally binding contract" she had with me?
On another tact, if my calling into question the legitimacy of their M and their "family" would make me appear petty and weak, then I ask why should I have to? Why should I have to say anything (or feel that I have to)? Shouldn't it be obvious to everyone that can think beyond herd mentality that these two adulterers have forfeited any pretense to equal treatment? They broke the laws (in this state still at least), despite its lack of enforcement, and now they should be rewarded for it? And you want to further compound the injustice of this by granting them the same protections and recognition that were denied me and my family?
It's an insane, F'ed up world, I realize. But I am not obligated to be party to such batchitcraziness.
And it really saddens me that I would have to explain this to anyone here in the DB forums.
Still, having said the forgoing, for the sake of my sons I will do what is absolutely necessary for their well being. But I will weigh my own scales and make my own considerations as to how I see the best path (or lesser of evils.) And if that should require being just another lamb being led to slaughter, so be it, but I will not go blindly or without acknowledging the injustice of it all.
