I agree with OT (or at least here is my interpretation of it)....I think your wife/STBX (or whatever she may be) is a great big cake eater. She has the benefit of being able to pick and choose which parts of her life to involve you in when it feels good for her. You probably need to stop feeding her all the good cake!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
To be fair, when we separated we agreed and told our kids that we would try to be friends and continue to do some things as a family. This is not her "cake eating", this was something we agreed to do. Now, the cottage thing is a bit overboard as far as I'm concerned. She sees it as a way to have a "family vacation" without really recognizing how difficult that would be for me and I've told her that I'm not comfortable with the idea as it would be very difficult emotionally. Yes, in many ways, she's had it damn good. When we separated she didn't have to move out of the home, she didn't lose our family friends, she got rid of a husband she didn't want, she has another relationship to get her through...so life is pretty rosey for her. I've had a lot more adjusting to do and I feel I've handled it all pretty well. When we are together as a family I normally have a pretty good time and don't go home crying over what was and will never be. I have my times though, like anyone who has suffered a great loss. My life is busy and I have to learn to slow down in order to recover my energy levels. That's me not my ex. Being alone is sometimes darn hard, for 17 years I had someone to come home to each night and now there's no one. Maybe you never adjust, I don't know, but I'm doing my best. I've just started reading a book called "Choosing gratitude: Your Journey to Joy", should be an interesting read. I also think my energy would pick up if I didn't have to deal with some kind of friggin heavy life issue every few weeks. Next week my tests come back and hopefully I will hear absolutely nothing from the doctor! That would bring me joy
"When we are together as a family I normally have a pretty good time and don't go home crying over what was and will never be. I have my times though, like anyone who has suffered a great loss."
Uh, not good enough.
Family celebrations, especially nuclear family celebrations, should be soul-building, not bearable. You are holding onto bonds that are not sustaining you, but draining you.
Is it organic? Of course! My three week cleansing and energizing diet has turned me onto some really neat stuff like the goat cheese. I'm also into Brown Rice Pasta, nut butters, organic chicken weinies, almond milk, brown rice pancakes...it's a whole new world! Hey, I haven't even had a coffee in over a month, organic or otherwise! My sugar intake is still pretty low. Apparently two of the worst things you can have with Adrenal fatigue are sugar and caffeine. I love 'em both...or did
Well, on the bright side, I don't come over every time she invites me. If I have plans or just don't want to go, I don't. But, if it's something important like a birthday, I'm there. The other night she asked me to stay for dinner and I declined, I had nowhere to go, I just didn't want to stay. I'm my own man
No, I should mention it to the Naturopath when I see her. I'm taking a vitamin B complex, fish oil, a calcium and magnesium liquid supplement, a Bach flower remedy and something called "be calm" it's got valarium, skullcap and passionflower in it. I'm also popping a couple of vitamin C per day. She did acupuncture last week and I haven't had any neck pain or headaches since. My energy level is much better the past few weeks but, as I learned, I can burn myself out pretty quickly too. Last week I was out almost every evening and then I did the activity packed weekend stint which I think pushed me way over the top. Too much, too soon.
