Sorry to have to tell everyone this, but on Fri at 9:00 am I snapped and lost all control. I tried to OD, and ended up in the hospital. I just got out yesterday. I feel awful for what I did, and I lost control. I lost all hope of ever saving my M, and hit rock bottom. My H was very cold and unloving during these last 6 days, and I've realized that he really does not care about me anymore. He said if there was ever a chance, there is none now of ever fixing our M. I am very sad about this, but I know that this is no longer about him and his drama, but about me and my kids. I need to be healthy and happy for myself and my kids.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I am glad that you didn't OD. God has a bigger plan in our lives that is greater than this situation with your or any of our marriages. Yes, your kids need you. What will be with all of our marriages will be but God does have it all in his plans. What the devil meant for bad, God meant for good. Praying for you...you have my encouragement. The good thing about this site and DBing is that in the end it really is about saving ourselves. Don't be hard on yourself. You have been through a really trying time...I am with you on that. Keep praying, keep strong, and don't worry about your husband. He has his own path that he will have to follow just like my husband. We have to grow on our own journey. Maybe at the end we will meet up with our husbands...who knows, but at least we will be all the better for going on this journey.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
(((mb))) I am so sorry to read that your desperation pushed you to that action. And grateful that you are alive and well. Although you've paid a terrible price to learn what is important here, I'm so glad that you're at a place where you can focus on yourself and your children.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I'm so sorry to hear you felt that bad. You have all my sympathy; I have been on the edge of deliberate self harm this whole journey. I have shared this with a few key friends. I check in every few days and make them repeat all the reasons why I shouldn't. I printed out one list and read it every day. I try to have short term goals: finish this show. Run the 1/2 marathon I've been training for. Get laid!
You have many reasons to keep going; your children most of all. You are worth living for; he is not worth dying for.
Peace
Each day. One goal. Your children. Your friends. You are worth living for. He is not worth dying for.
I'm sorry that you got so depressed. You are right, your children do need you. I took a friend to the hospital once after she tried to commit suicide. That was 10 years ago. She went on the have a fabulous life after that. She pulled herself together and got a nursing degree and a career. Her kids grew up and went to college. And her ex even made a lot of money and bought her a house to raise the kids in.
OK, well, the last part is rare and doesn't happen to everyone. But the point is she was so depressed and thought things would never get better, and she was very wrong. Things not only got better, they got really good. And that can happen for you too.
That was very nice Lotus, I couldn't have said that better.
I have been beating myself up most of the evening trying to figure out what to write,but you found it.
It does get better from here mb28. And you are the change you are lookoing for really applies here. If you want something diffrent, you make it different.
Keep posting, let us know where you are and how things are doing... Keep up with all your friends and never lose hope on life.. it always goes both up and down. You just need to be patient for those up turns.
