Sorry you have to be here but you have stumbled upon the right place and are trying to fix your M. I am new here as well. I have been working on my SSM since 10/09 and stumbled into these boards in January. I have to say there are many folks in here that can help.
You should really start working on you. Looks like you are pushing too hard on your W and getting less than nowhere. I would do as much reading here and in books to become more educated. I would reread SSM for sure. Without knowing what to do in my sitch, I decided the problem was me and went from there. Truth is it is both of you. A book that saved my life was A Passionate Marriage by Schnarch. I learned so much about me and my behavior that was contributing to some of our issues. The five love languages you should both read. You may find out that you are showing love to her in a way that she does not understand.
As to the topic of pushing too hard, try doing a 180, pushing your W for sex or pictures or wearing clothes you like is not working. You know the saying of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.....
The get a life theme is a big one too. Being too focused on your W and sitch makes it very hard to improve yourelf. You only see the problems. Go out with friends, do the hobbies you love, work out, dress better if you think that will help your self esteem.
Some people I have followed a lot of their posts are bagheera, cinco, danceQueen, delil@h, sillyOldBear and many more. Follow their threads to learn a bunch more.
Hang in there, patience is a huge factor in success as this process can be slow. Seeing a MC is a good idea if you can swing it. I am new here too but this is some of what I have learned and hope it helps you.
