I hear ya sister. And drop the guilt. Or feel it a while and move on. You're human and learning new things. It must be hell watching him wallow when you feel you've waited so long for some postives. I remember "Passionate Marriage" - the book Kalni was talking about for a while - has a huge list of self soothing ideas and another on how to stand detached so that you don't get enmeshed with your partner. I highly recommend them - I copied them and keep them with me when I get emotional (like last night!). He calls it "holding onto yourself".
One "self soothing technique" that really hit me - because it's so simple and obvious, but true - is: "Don't expect your partner to 'be there' for you." Well we are all masters of that after what we've been through, but it still applies in R! SEems counter intuitive, but hey, that's what we're working on, right?
