How do I act?

[Wildaces81]

I hate it too, and I have a key logger and you know what i feel like crap every time I go to it. I haven't looked at it in a week and it makes me feel better but the temptation is still there. I just need to get rid of it. It also sucks because I know her passwords to her FB and her email and I check them too but like I said I'm just abusing myself.

guys i really think i should give up and get out of here

Only you can decided that, only you can decided if you want to save your marriage. You are going to be the only one working on it because he doesn't want to. But if you do what everyone on this site says which is work on YOU.

It is hard, believe me. I've made major backslides in the past two days. I stopped talking to my W about our R and in these past two days I brought it up and it spewed out of my mouth and I couldn't stop it. If I had just stuck to my guns and left it alone I would have been better off. You need to make goals for yourself and start doing them. Keep your head up. It isn't something you can learn over night.

[Surviving03]

well i decided that i dont even need to have proof...my womanly instincts are telling me that there IS someone else... It just kills me that he would let something like that tempt him so much to make such life altering decisions like this while we are seperated and have been for such a long time... but all things point to there being someone else...little tid bits of info i have heard and discovered, its all coming together.... i bet he didnt even mean to email me from his new account, he probably did that on accident and never meant for me to know he had a different one, and keep letting me check his old account and think he isnt up to anything, especially since he knows what kind of trouble i can get him into in the military if he was messing around in the desert. He is smart...but not that smart, i guarantee he didnt mean to email me from that new account. Men always slip up... or i guess i should say that person having an affair or trying to be secretive ALWAYS slip up in some way. I just have to feel like he is such an idiot to think he could just meet someone over in iraq, know them for a few months and think that this fantasy relationship is going to be like a hollywood movie of love... dumb dumb dumb! but I guess thats how these things typically play out...I feel like Jennifer Aniston and he is Brad Pitt with Angelina... which is sad cause even though jen aniston has made peace with herself she hasnt found some new guy that makes her happy And Brad never did return to jennifer after realizing that he made a mistake....:(

[Surviving03]

does anyone know if i could try to get this new car he bought in the divorce proceedings? it will be titled in his name but he bought it while we are married?

[Surviving03]

i am just becoming bitter... the debt of that car better not fall on me... i was going to try to stay up for his homecoming, but i think i am just going to go to bed... sucks that the first time i see him will be in the morning really when i first wake up... not how i was wanting to look...but i am starting to just not give a damn...

[clarkova]

By all means, go to bed, try to sleep abit if you can. Remember the 180, he is probably expecting you to be waiting up--so don't. Put on some nice lingerie, not too revealing and take deep breaths and try to relax.

[Surviving03]

thats a good idea, i think i will... cause im already super tired... i wont be able to last

[Surviving03]

ok guys... when is it ok for me to confront him about the possibility of an EA... i found out today from my sister who was talking to him FB, she asked him about if there was another girl, and he said why does everyone ask me that? it just about me, and even if i liked someone else, i never would have touched them.... UH, that is almost like admittance of an EA!! but he would never admit to it...

[Cautious]

You do NOT want to confront H until you have SOLID, undeniable proof. Right now, all you have is suspicions. Nothing concrete. You're only going to make it harder if you broach the subject prematurely.

Also, don't have unrealistic expectations, meghunny. I know this is hard, but it's still going to take some time until he's ready to fix these things. Until then, the most you would get is a half-reconcilliation and it will be easily broken again. You want strong threads to stand on before you start moving forward in this R.

((hugs))

[rr22]

People who want a divorce are generally looking to date, whether they admit it or not. So you can look at it that way and get pissed at that, and then whether or not there is a current EA becomes irrelevant. If you can, don't give him a huge blow out unless you are REALLY done. The blow out will give him an excuse to get mad at you and BLAME you for his THROWING AWAY your relationship. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'd be bitter too at this point. It must be hard having waited for him while he is overseas. His behavior sucks.

[Awoken]

Yes, don't confront until you have solid proof. Confronting now is just another form of pursuing, showing him your anger.

I had evidence of my W's EA, and even then I confronted too soon.

Yes, it is awful dealing with the suspicions you must have. rr22 is giving you great advice.

I wish it had been clearer to me at the start of my sitch: spend your time on yourself, not on saving your M. That is a key DB element.

hang in there.