Well that was stupid. I started to tell H that i knew this was the anniversary - and he raised his voice, stopped me, and said, "Do everyone a favor, STOP RIGHT NOW AND WALK AWAY."
I know better. The silence was killing me though. I guess it's nice to know he's human andnot an android sometimes.
It cuts to the core. His rage is still there under the surface and he still can't talk to me about it.
So I walked away, cried quietly a few minutes and then asked for a non talking hug. Got a big, long, squeezy one. First time in a year I got a hug like that. DOn't know what it means though.
H4L, I definitely can read some courtship into those interactions! And that's going to get you two waaaay further than Jack Handey moments IMO...
FM - I'm sorry - I didn't realize you were referring to your H's oh-so-sensitive-FB post. I just caught up on your sitch. Sorry - his comment was insanely mean.
sometimes I don't have a clue what piecing is either. Hence the original name of my thread "Is this piecing?" lol
I felt it in my gut is all I can say. The constant anger and blame that was fired at me for so many months subsided. We entered MC. HOwever I still don't have a full commitment, I have "I don't think we have a chance we were doomed from the start" all that crap. BUt he said he would try. He said he'd give it a chance in MC to see if it feels different. SO I'm Dbing my butt off and feeling like I have a genuine chance.
This differs a lot from being in the place early on when you're dumped and just hoping they will talk to you like a normal person, let alone not file for D.
Ask others - I would be curious actually how they see piecing. Good luck.
Yep, I'd love to hear what others have to say- and it would be great if someone put a little blurb right under the main forum name so us newbies knew what this forum was for, exactly :-).
Sounds like your definition is kind of like, the first major storm has blown over, more or less, and you're in a place where you're doing some work that actually might seem to get you somewhere or you feel you're making progress, but you're not "there" yet. It's hard to know whether to keep posting in newbies or somewhere else. I think after awhile people probably stop reading a newbie post but I don't want to start a new one and clog things up... Anyway, what does piecing mean to anyone else?
thanks-
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I started to tell H that i knew this was the anniversary - and he raised his voice, stopped me, and said, "Do everyone a favor, STOP RIGHT NOW AND WALK AWAY."
I know better. The silence was killing me though. I guess it's nice to know he's human andnot an android sometimes.
It cuts to the core. His rage is still there under the surface and he still can't talk to me about it.
I'm proud of your H for shutting down that conversation. You've complained about him baiting you...but this was a case where it could be seen as you baiting him. Was he expressing rage or doing some self care? What possible good would have come of having that conversation? Is that the kind of anniversary that you want to mark in your life together?
And good for you for asking for a hug. I'm really glad to read that initiating non-verbal communication helped you get what you really wanted: connection and reassurance.
initiating "the talk" = cheeseless tunnel initiating physical connection = getting the cheese
(((H4L))) I know you're struggling right now.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
H4L, I definitely can read some courtship into those interactions! And that's going to get you two waaaay further than Jack Handey moments IMO...
FM - I'm sorry - I didn't realize you were referring to your H's oh-so-sensitive-FB post. I just caught up on your sitch. Sorry - his comment was insanely mean.
No, I wasn't referring to H's post! It was a wierd coincidence that he posted that after I posted the above to you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I started to tell H that i knew this was the anniversary - and he raised his voice, stopped me, and said, "Do everyone a favor, STOP RIGHT NOW AND WALK AWAY."
I know better. The silence was killing me though. I guess it's nice to know he's human andnot an android sometimes.
It cuts to the core. His rage is still there under the surface and he still can't talk to me about it.
I'm proud of your H for shutting down that conversation. You've complained about him baiting you...but this was a case where it could be seen as you baiting him. Was he expressing rage or doing some self care? What possible good would have come of having that conversation? Is that the kind of anniversary that you want to mark in your life together?
And good for you for asking for a hug. I'm really glad to read that initiating non-verbal communication helped you get what you really wanted: connection and reassurance.
initiating "the talk" = cheeseless tunnel initiating physical connection = getting the cheese
(((H4L))) I know you're struggling right now.
I just wanted to quote FM because IMO, she's spot on with the baiting and the cheese/cheeseless tunnels thing. Read carefully!
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
2x4 gratefully accepted You're right - he did the most responsible thing yet. I see now that was a positive. Hey, he's listening in MC! And so am I - I respected him.
He said exactly what the therapist told us to that he would talk to me another time but that was not the time.
Should I send an apology email and confirmation that we handled it right this time? OR just leave it?
But now I wonder if I should just leave it. We're obviously both very pained by it. Perhaps non verbal is the way to. Thank youFM and Freckle.
THanks I feel you are right. I'm going to trust you and my gut on this one.
And you're right we really are working on our issues now - last night was a perfect example of when things would have typically gone sour. We did it differently!
