Husband in Crisis - what do I do?

[DestinyUnknown]

Thank you Cat, Eric, OP, and Flowmom. Things have been tough, but I have at least been somewhat okay during the last couple of days.

I haven't reached out to the neighbors yet to tell them to contact my H, but I may. I am trying to stay away from contact with my H even though I would love to have a conversation with him, I just know that is not possible right now. He is probably today "brewing and cheering" on St. Patty's Day festivities. Darn it!!

Yes, my IC knows ALL about my situation and I am on some medication. I have not been back to work since last week, but needed the break. Now my boss is telling me that I need a "release" from my Dr before coming back to work.

I am alone today for the first time since being ill last week. Things I did today:

1) Washed clothes

2) Spent a few minutes on my deck enjoying this great weather.

3) Picked up a movie on DVD

4) Spoke to a friend

[trustingfaith]

(((DU,)))

Glad you are taking the time you need to rest a bit before going back to work. It sounds like you are doing a good job finding things to do and taking your focus off of your H as much as you can. Take things one day at a time.

[flowmom]

Glad to read all of that DU

[cat04]

DU,

Please keep posting updates...

Lots of people are here with you....

I will talk to you soon sweetie.

((((hugs))))

[ericmsant2]

DU -

This is your time dear...YOUR time - not his...YOURS...Take this as a gift to heal, to do the things that you need to do.

I better see some dog pictures on the alt soon.

God Bless,
Eric

[DestinyUnknown]

Hello all...

Well, I spoke to the H today and it was not good for me. He is still talking D even though he called to say he spoke to a girlfriend of mind (that is another story - why on earth would she talk to him?) and that he was happy someone cared about me. He asked about me being in the hospital and why. Told him briefly and then he said I "screwed up" again by not making sure someone got in touch with him.

I did tell him that he should contact the neighbors because they wanted to do something for him and left it at that. But I was very distraught by his constant attempts to make me feel bad and that he said I stole his belongings and that he cannot trust me and that is why he doesn't want me to stay in the house while he is deployed.

I left a message for my L today to check again and he was in court. I haven't spoke to him yet, but I hope to speak to the l tomorrow morning. The H also told me he is going to be out of town next week.

I did something against the rules. I asked him if I would see him before he deployed and he said he didn't think that would be a good idea and then said, "I have to go...I'll speak with you later." DARN IT!!!

Things I did today:

1) Got up and dressed after having a great "pep" talk with 2 DBing friends

2) Went to work for only half a day and when I arrived, I went for a walk to get lunch (I know - I'm a slacker - I promise, I am not). It was such a beautiful day.

3) Got home at 6:00 and sat out on my deck for a half hour taking pictures. Very relaxing.

Thank you all for listening to me whine here and there..

[are you kidding]

You know don't think I saw one whine.

You did a great job of making me think of sitting on a back deck and just taking in a view.

We're all here for eachother.

[flowmom]

DU, I hope you can tell yourself that he is spewing and not turn his words inward. I'm glad that you've identified that it's not good for you to talk with him...that will give you strength to prevent it next time.

It's good to read about you enjoying life's small pleasures

[DestinyUnknown]

Thanks for the continued support AYK and FM. However, I do take his words to heart.

That is why I am thinking about giving up all of it.. my M, our home, my H, and just move on to start fresh. This would be the last unselfish gift to give to my H, and since everyone wants me to give up (the H, family, friends, etc.), maybe they are all right. It is not what I want, but I have no faith or hope that my situation could ever be different or change.

I plan to call my L today and ask him to draft up a SA that gives up everything to my H. Yes, I KNOW it is CRAZY. My bones are in this house that we built from the ground up. I made it a home, yes, but it is over. It is time to give in and give up. I feel tired and the pain of my H's behavior (or spewing) is sometimes more than I can take.

Thinking about moving to another city, and starting over. Okay, I am sure you have some thoughts or insights?

[cat04]

Destiny,

Flowmom is correct.

You CANNOT take everything he says to heart.

That is part of why we talk about detatchment.

It allows YOU the time and space to examine things you have heard and seen, to determine what has merit (because some of it does) and what is just MLC spew.

His talk of you stealing things, probably spew.

Talk of you working too much, oe whatever, maybe true...

See the difference?

While only you can decide if a fresh start is what you need, and its possible that you do need it, please don't jump feet first into anything you might regret.

Take your time to see where you might want to go, what you want to do....

Friends and family, great intentions...

They don't want to see you hurt anymore...

Giving up...while the quickest way to "get over it"...may not be what is best for you and your healing...

Only YOU know that, no one else, even us here on the boards...

The fastest way from A to B MAY be a straight line, but you just might miss some wonderful stuff along the way...

I can tell you, if I had chosen that route, the things I have gained and learned, and people I have met, by taking the bumpy winding road, would not be a part of me now...

Just don't rush yourself.