You poor thing! I can only imagine the anguish and torment you must be going through. I've heard that quitting tobacco is harder than quitting meth or heroin. Stick with it. 110% No pain no gain. Anything you ardently desire and enthusiastically pursue will inevitable come to pass. Do it not just for your children but for yourself and all of mankind.
We believe in you. You can do it! Better days are right around the corner.
