Are you getting good marital advice?

[june72]

Lotus, Now you are just sounding bitter, IMO.
Steven W. Harley has years and years of education and on the jobs experience. Was he the one that has also done lots clinical research?

Could Harley be an internet relationship guru or pop psychologist, and not a serious researcher with tested theories?

Do you not know this guy? His is one of the biggies in marriage repair, a must read, IMO.


I like Trent's comment that you get a whole bunch of advice from tons of people, read like crazy, really give it some thought and draw your own decisions. That to me seems like a solid plan. Smart.

I think a wise person will listen to all and not immediately disregard a dissenting opinion or vilify it but rather analyze it- see if there is any validity. I think the biggest mistake one can make is to quickly dismiss alternative viewpoints and get a linear view of what is right and what is wrong.

IDK, perhaps maybe the guilty crime people have committed on this board is getting over zealous. You see someone stepping on a perceived "land mine" and you want to knock them right down quick to the ground and avert the crisis. It hits them hard and they, unsuspecting are like- "WTH? What did you do that for..." You then say I had good intentions and good reasons.

I have a casual associate who is MC. Now boy, wouldn't I LOVE to ask her millions of questions. I ask a vague question or two occasionally. I asked her once "Do you see these couple where one person is just horrible and atrocious and do you tell the other person they should leave?" She stated you want but you have to let them work through it and get to that point ourselves. Insightful


I guess what I am getting to, is that you can't force a person to confront truths sometimes. They have to "walk" to the truth and realities on their own. And while you can act as a guide on the path- you can't make them walk faster. They have to stumble along and maybe sometimes fall and really get hurt along the way. And you will say- "watch off for that tree root it will trip you" and they continue and trip anyhow. We can help them back up and encourage them to keep going but we can't walk it for them or keep them from falling off the path or wandering off in the wrong direction or from standing still and not moving forward.

Any I making any sense here? Or am I just blabbering...lol