Thanks rottzilla, I have actually realize that what you say I need to do is, well... exactly what I need to do. The worst thing about it is: one day you will wake up feeling all positive, ready to prove to yourself that you can do it and everything is going to be ok, and then then the very next day you will wake up feeling like the most worthless person on the face of the earth. The part I am also finding almost impossible to do is putting on that happy face when I do have contact with my wife. It is so difficult to pretend to be happy when you feel awful inside. and what makes it even more difficult is that I know it is one of the most important things for me to do, because she says that I am always so miserable when she sees me and it created a tense atmosphere in the home. This is one of the things that made her unhappy throught our relationship so I think changing that is very important - its just so hard.
