Holy Crap! Didn't expect THIS!

[Dom R]

I know the 25yo would complain if I was there. Stepson said that when he was staying there and I was coming to visit, the 25yo would express "relief" when I left.

so it's like I said: you being there, would hasten their departure

Not to mention, he IS in a band with these guys; I don't need to alienate them right off the bat. They don't respect the institution of marriage, so I bet they would tell H he is being disrespected.

I think there's some truth in what you say. Contrariwise, you might consider this in the long term:
your marriage cant survive him continually being with that group of mentally teenage idiots. Sooner or later, he WILL have to leave that band. If they leave HIM, it might be easier.
If you moving back home, gets them all pissed at him and the band breaks up, then so much the better, in the long term.

Yes your husband will be pissed. But it needs to happen sooner or later.

Besides which... How, exactly, do those guys have any right to complain: "Duuude.. your wife wants to LIVE with you??? Duuudee.. that's so wrong.. total disrespect..."

Errr.. EXCUSE ME????

side note: old joke seems apropos right now:
"What do you call a drummer/guitarist/etc without a girlfriend?
Homeless".

Time to break up this "bromance" and kick their sorry pot-smoking butts out onto the street

Regarding him claiming to have made a decision- yeah, that is what he claimed previously, but last night he was "confused" again. There is no leverage in the "you made a decision, now DO the right thing" because he is attempting to leave things open ended and fluid.

Trixi.. there IS leverage in that. The problem is that you arent using it.

Which is why he keeps doing it.

Going back to an analogy I used to toss around a year or so ago;
He's acting like a spoiled little child... and that's because you let him do so.
If you're trying to teach an irresponsible child how to grow up, you dont say, "lets agree to do this", and then let him back out of it every time the going gets tough. You hold them to it, and tell them, "Yes sweetie, its tough to keep going right now. But this is what it's all about to be a 'big boy' instead of a toddler. Make a promise, keep a promise".

Try to put it in easy-to-understand phrases like that for him