Posting will give you confidence. It is much easier to see other peoples situation more clearly than your own, you can do it Mark. You aren't weak and pathetic at all, I am the same over my sitch - cannot see the wood for the trees.
Over the weekend my W came into the house and took away two boxes that had family/wedding photographs. She left an envelope on the table for me which I have not opened.
It will probably be more bile and negativity aimed at me, therefore I did not open it. As a response, I packed up all the photos of my children from the dresser and packed away in my car. Is this the right course of action?
As the house is unfortunately going up for sale, my W is starting to remove things from the house. I am now doing the same, as a solicitors letter saying do not remove things from the house will not make one jot of difference to her.
I also asked for a 'For Sale' board not to be erected outside the house because the children have not been informed of the house sale yet and I felt it was in-appropriate and in-sensitive to them, but she wanted one which sums her up.
It does not matter what she thinks of me, as I have always made decisions baesed on what she might think and do, but I do want to appear strong and decisive. Is taking contents out as she is doing, the right thing to do?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
It does not matter what she thinks of me, as I have always made decisions baesed on what she might think and do, but I do want to appear strong and decisive.
Mark,
If this were true, you would have no problem opening the envelope. You're still way enmeshed.
There's no crime in that, but it would probably help you to be able to accurately gauge just where you are along the "detachment" path right now.
After reading your post a couple of times, I guess it is plain to see I do still have a relatively strong attachment. We have no communication except through solicitors, she does not want anything to do with me, and yet I still feel a pull towards her.
The only time she decided to contact me recently was to berate me for something that was totally avoidable on her part. Just an excuse to beat me with. I ignored her texts as initiating contact would have resulted in mindless arguing.
The thing I find difficult is to 'detach' somebody that was with me for fifteen years, bore two children with me, the 'family'routine that we had, and all the peripheral stuff including friendships with couples that have now gone because of the impending D - basically the life I had.
I work, I work out and try to live my life as best I can. I miss my kids, my old life, though I know it will never return. I ask myself the same question every day - "Would I take her back"?
After having an affair and not showing me a thread of respect I keep telling myself it should be no. Trouble is, a part of me would take her back, but I believe it is because I have not been on a date since the bomb in December 2008 and I feel quite lonely at times.
I compare her to other girls and to me none of them seem to be as lovely as my W was. I am putting her on a pedistle that she does not deserve, yet I find it incredibly difficult to remove her from my thoughts.
Any views?
Last edited by markhaving probs; 03/29/1001:36 PM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I have had a dilemma that ended with the usual rubbish from my W.
As all of my savings are going into solicitors, any spare money that I would have given my children is used to keep my head above water.
Because my D11 is going on a school trip, my W sent her payment book and assumed without discussion with me, I would be paying. I wrote a cheque out for one installment, gave the cheque to her teacher and asked him to return the paying-in book to my W.
I also included a note saying she wanted this divorce, and to be able to re-start my life I am having to use expensive solicitors to secure a reaonable financial settlement for me and my children. I also told her to refer any of her issues to her solicitor.
She had also removed photographs from the house without consulting me, therefore I removed all the childrens pictures from our dressing table. It may sound childish, but I am not going to see the pictures she took ever again.
Because she is so selfish she called my letter pathetic and not putting my children first. I am sure she actually believes what she says, which makes her an unpleasant person, or is it the cloud she is still in?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Find yourself a new woman that thinks you are the greatest thing that ever walked the face of the earth. and your problems will magically seem to disappear.
You will be suddenly looking at your situation a whole lot different.
One more word of advice, since you ask.
Don't listen to people who tell you "not to date" or it is too early for you to date" or any other of the things you hear.
If you lost your job should we tell you not to find another job because you aren't ready? If a restaurant doesn't have what you first ordered, should we tell you not to eat until you get over your shock of not having what you want?
Mark, That is the advice that I have seen to work the best for people. It is always amazing how fast they recover when they have another person to love and that loves them.
You will then naturally by default learn how to handle your wife. There are millions and millions of women just waiting for a good man like you. Stop limiting yourself. Go find one of them.
