So I should allow the counter argument to go unchallenged? I should allow xW, OM, xMIL, et al., make their statements that this M is valid and respectable, when they have all denigrated the M and the family they conspired to destroy? Simply because that was then and this is now? Should one's loyalties be so transient? To deny one and uphold the other?
There is no argument or counter argument. They are married. They have entered into a legally binding contract. It is valid, even though the relationship began in a bed of lies. It is not a bigamous marriage, it is simply a marriage. Their marriage is their business, not yours. There is nothing you can say or do that will make it or break it, that is entirely up to them. I believe that putting them down and making disparaging remarks about their marriage will make you appear weaker, not stronger. But that is my opinion, for what it is worth. If your children talk to you about it you can make general comments, but to tear them down personally is probably not helpful. I hve had conversations with my kids (D12 in particular) where I have expressed to her my personal bneliefs. I have told ehr that I do not believe in divorce, unless it is a case of abuse, yet I am divorced. I have talked to her about the importance of working on relationships...all relationships. She knows my values and my morals. She sees her dad's morals and values, and she does not agree with them. But she still loves him as her father. Your kids are going to love their mother, they can do that without it causing damage to your relationships.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
